[tri-wings] Arranging the Office party...


Sorry you all...I just COULDN"T resist sending this out...I heard this on
Dr. Laura the other day and was rolling!!!  Wished I had a copy of it..the
next day I got it on email!!  It is so funny... Just goes to show that you
can't please everyone!! :o)  Read carefully!


>
> Subject: Arranging the Office Christmas Party
>
> December 1st
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
> place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of
> spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols ... feel
> free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as
> Santa
> Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can
be
> done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry
> Christmas to you and your family.
> Patty Lewis
> Human Resources Director
>
> December 2nd
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
> employees.
> We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often
> coincides with Christmas (though, unfortunately, not this year). However,
> from
> now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to
> employees who are celebrating Kwanza at this time. There will be no
> Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and
> your family.
> Patty Lewis
> Human Resources Director
>
> December 3rd
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of
> Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to
> accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the
> table that reads,"AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition,
> forget about
> the gifts exchange-no gifts will be allowed since the union members feel
> that $10 is too much money.
> Patty Lewis
> Human Researchers Director
>
> December 7th
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
> from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms.
> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
> with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower
> arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?
> Patty Lewis
> Human Racehorses Director
>
> December 9th
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> People, people-nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to
> play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be
> "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red
suit."
>
> Patty Lewis
> Human Ratraces
>
> December 10th
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> Vegetarians-I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
> party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not. You can just sit at
> the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll
> get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes
> have
> feelings, too.  They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream.
I'm
> hearing
> them right now ... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday!
> The Witch
>
> December 14th
> TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
> recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your
> cards
> to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to
> cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off
> with full pay.
> Terri Bishop
> Acting Human Resources Director



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