[tri-wings] Re: Angel parents please advise

Theresa,
 
I'm so sorry you have lost your precious Michael.  I wish there were magic 
words that could make it hurt just a little less, but I don't know what they 
are.  You're right--losing a child isn't fair.  It's been 3.5 years since we 
lost our Emma, and I still go through my "it's not fair" moments.  It's not 
fair to me, to our family, to Emma's little sister who is growing up without 
her big sister.  The first few months just hurt a lot, but it does get easier.  
It still hurts, just in a different way.  Plus you just had a baby, less than a 
month ago.  On top of your loss, you have all the normal hormonal stuff of 
pregnancy and childbirth that doesn't help the situation.  
 
RE: your husband...men grieve so differenly than women.  You aren't losing it.  
Your mind and your body and your soul are just yearning for your baby that you 
have been carrying for 9 months. It will get better.  My husband and I saw a 
therapist for 10 months, beginning about 2 months after Emma died.  I was 
crying every night and angry that Scott didn't seem as hurt (he was, of course, 
and just dealt with it differently).  We found it very helpful.  We also tried 
Compassionate Friends.  It wasn't as helpful for us, but I know the program 
helps many, many people deal with losing a child. 
 
One thing a I found helpful was scouring the internet for stories like 
mine...not necessarily people who had lost a child due to a trisomy, but who 
had lost a baby in general.  Their stories reassured me that my feelings were 
normal, and that things do get better.  
 
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I'm sending cyberhugs 
your way.
 
Julie, wife to Scott, mom to angel Emma (t18) and Kyleigh Jo (born 1/31/06)> 
Families Helping Families On-line
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