[tri-wings] Re: Angel parents please advise

Hi Theresa,
We all grieve in different ways, for me, I climbed into bed the day 
Arily was born and didn't get out for a whole month.  I found myself 
angry at the silliest of things, like how could the traffic keep on 
going like nothing happened when my baby girl never got to come home in 
our car?  How dare the postman say good morning when he delivered our 
mail.  I felt that life should stop and the whole world should mourn for 
my little girl, but when life didn't stop, I got angry, but eventually, 
I came to accept that, cruel as it might seem, life goes on without her.
What you're feeling right now is completely normal for you.  You need to 
find what works for you to help you work through this difficult time.  
Some people beat the crap out of their rugs, helps to get the 
frustration out of you as well as the dust out of your rugs, some people 
cry and cry and cry until they can't cry any more.  It does help to vent 
here too, people here understand your pain because they've been through 
it all too.  My husband and I worked on a website for our baby girl, for 
us it was important to give her an identity and let the world see her 
because she never lived outside of me, and it gave us a goal to work 
towards together.  The loss of a child can often bring families closer 
together in their grief, but can also drive couples apart as they grieve 
in their own way and lose the ability to communicate that all consuming 
pain to each other to help each other come to terms with that loss.  
Your husband lost a child too, he knows just what you're going through, 
try not to shut him out completely, even if you continue to sleep in the 
spare room, tell him why you're acting this way towards him and ask him 
to have patience while you get through this difficult time
Remember one thing.  Michael was a very ill little boy but there was 
nothing you did to cause it and there was nothing you could have done to 
prevent it.  You had 9 amazing days with him, and he was strong enough 
to stay that time because you were such an amazing mother to him to give 
him the strength to hold on that long.  The social security card that 
came for him establishes him as a person in the eyes of the government, 
those of us whose babies never took a breath in this world don't have 
that honour.  My daughter is nothing but a statistic to them, she never 
had a birth certificate, never had a social security card.  According to 
them, she never existed.
This pain will get easier.  Michael will always be with you.  After two 
years, I still cry for my daughter, so I can't say that it will ever go 
away, but you do learn to adapt and grow with that pain to become a new 
person. 
Take care
Jean

-- 
Mum to Arily Faith, born asleep, July 8th, 2006
and to Conor, born June 21st, 2007


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
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