[tri-wings] An example of an ahhh moment

The footprints are still there.  Of course, I expect they always will be
because the cement was wet when I made them.  I see them everyday as I walk
to the car and they remind of her.

The fresh concrete sidewalk was poured that afternoon and we couldn't park
in the driveway.  I had parked the car on a side street.  Jessica was tired
and with her difficulty in walking distances I decided I would bring the car
to her.  Frankly I also was worried that she might walk across the wet
concrete.  I told her I was going to get the car and admonished her to "stay
put, don't move, I'll be right back."  My eyes always on her, I kept urging
her to wait as I began my walk - right across the wet cement - to the car.
I still remember the feeling I had when that first step squished and I
suddenly realized I could only go forward, not backward.  Four footprints
later I reached the grass, and I am sure the reddest part of my blood hit my
face.  I looked back at Jessica. The path I had taken clearly stunned her,
but her expression easily and immediately turned into laughter.  Within
moments I was laughing too.

I made those footprints four years ago and they persevere to this day,
despite the embarrassment I felt at having made them, and my wish that they
would fade away.

 In a moment of inspiration my husband and I decided to paint the footprints
to commemorate Jessica's path and the paths we made while following her
through her life.  Where the footprints began as a source of embarrassment
for me, and genuine hilarity for Jessica, they now remind us of the many
important lessons she taught us.

As any parent knows, life does little, and does everything to prepare us to
be parents.  Jessica, our first child, had significant disabilities.  Now
understand, I like to think of myself as a reasonable, rational, deliberate
person.  I like to know what choices are available when I make a decision,
and I take comfort in being able to chart my course using existing streets
and avenues to reach my objective.  Jessica, and her needs, taught me to
throw all that out the window.

There is something about the luxury of being able to plan, but responding to
the needs of a child with severe medical challenges often makes planning
impossible.  When Jessica had a problem or a need my first and strongest
instinct was to meet that need.  I didn't deliberate, I didn't plan, I didn'
t look for existing paths.  I looked at what she needed and made a beeline
for the goal without regard to existing paths.

For me, the now red footprints remind me of the force of Jessica's
personality, and of my willingness to follow her through uncharted territory
to help her achieve her goals.  Jessica knew nothing of paths or planning.
She did, however, know what she wanted for herself and for her life, and
knew no reason why she could not achieve it.  When I focused on her and her
needs, I, too, saw no paths.  She, and her pioneering spirit, led me to go
places I never had been and to ask for - no, demand - things that had not
previously been requested.  Together, Jessica and I blazed new paths,
sometimes through wet cement, to arrive at a place where she could find her
success.

I used to think that it was parents who led children through the
uncertainties of life and prepared them to be responsible adults.  The red
footprints remind me that our children often lead the way for us, too.  I
could not have been the mother I became for Jessica if she hadn't taught me
how to focus on needs and goals rather than on paths.  Those red footprints
remind me everyday that the journey through life is unpredictable at best
and laden with patches of wet cement along the way.  Sometimes, while being
singularly focused on your child, your going to walk across that wet cement.
It will squish under your feet and you will discover, as I did, that the
only way to get out of it is to go forward.  When you are finally through
it, and you turn around and look in the face of the person you were
"following," expect to see an expression of stunned disbelief, followed by
uproarious laughter.  Laugh with her, for once again, she has made you blaze
a new trail, and be glad that you can still see the footprints.

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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