[tri-wings] Re: An angel in waiting

LouAnn wrote
 I know you always have the most touching ones.
> I always remember telling you everytime I sat daown to the computer I
> could count on more healing tears.  Your response was to put a sign on
> the door,saying  "TISSUES AT THE READY!". That has always stuck in my
> mind .Lots of bitter sweet in our world, huh?<<

LouAnn, maybe I should take my own advice and have a box handy!! I guess
that I needed to post them for myself as much as for anyone.I'm really not
sure why I have suddenly hit a dip in the road and I know I'll get through
it but was and still am feeling extremely emotional.It could be
hormones,what's going on in the world right now concerning children being
refused care,a little bit of final realisation that Alfie is my last (had my
tubes tied and though it was what I planned its still a see saw of
emotions),or a whole host of other things ,I really don't know .I'm not
suicidal or anything quite so drastic as that so don't anyone get worried! I
just miss my boys dreadfully and would give the world to have them back in
my arms but then everyone knows how that feels too.

Sparked by a telephone call from Down Under I was talking to Baz the other
night(we talk every night but not always as in depth LOL) and was telling
him how in the early days I used to sit at the computer all day and all
night and its a miracle that the keyboard didn't float away with all the
tears that were shed on it.Steve refused to accept that I (we) needed to
grieve and his attitude was always " bury what's dead and move on" so the
only places I was able to grieve were either in the car or on the computer.I
still believe that I have moved on far more than he will have done because I
have taken time to cry,time to have a pity party ,time to talk about my
boys.I don't think that the tears will ever stop and really I don't want
them to but now they are not only for my own grief but for others and the
day I stop feeling that will be the day I tell Karen to find a new "mum" for
Wings.I used to have a quote in my signature line that said something along
the lines of not feeling another's pain unless you have felt it too and I
truly believe that.Others can say they know but how can they ?

But yes LouAnn, you are right there is lots of bitter sweet and this turned
into a longer email than I planned.Did good to type it though ;-)

hugs
Mandy,wife to Baz, mum to Matthew(12),Charlotte (10) , Gareth (t18 ^i^
14/11/99)and Dominic (CH ^i^ 23/7/00) and my little pot of gold at the end
of a very long rainbow
,Alfie( 19 Apr 04),
step mum to Katie(^i^) Ed (16)and Lucy(14 )England,UK
www.geocities.com/baby2angels2000

"My heros come with wings, not capes."
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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