[tri-med] Re: [tri-family] Re: teasing

Moved to the med list.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Irene Smith" <67.irene@xxxxxxxxx>
> Already, Christina (4 yo) sometimes makes me cry when she talks about
> Caroline.  She doesn't understand that Caroline is different than Kallie.
> All she sees is that Caroline doesn't respond to her like Kallie does,
> Kallie watches everything Christina does.  She laughs at her, plays with
her
> more, just interacts more.  Christina even has said that she loves Kallie,
> not Caroline.  Mommy loves Caroline.  It breaks my heart in a way, but I
> know she has no idea what she is saying.  I guess it gives me a glimpse
into
> our future as Christina begins to understand that Caroline is different
and
> how it will impact her life.   A little scary.....I just hope I have the
> strength to control my emotions!!!!

Siblings and triers is a whole topic of discussion itself.

Over the years, when the topic comes up, the conversation tends to be one
where the only people really sharing of their offspring/sibling situation
are those who's children don't seem to have any type of negative issues in
living/dealing with a disabled sibling.

There are people who's typical children don't want to have anything to do
with their sibling or are embarrassed by their sibling. There are those who
are mean to their sibling. There are those who resent the extra attention
their sibling receives or the frustration they feel in trying to have what
they consider a 'normal' life.

Those conversations sometimes happened in trisomy chat (back in the day it
was a large weekly event). Also, off list conversations.
A number of years back a parent thought her child was the only one acting in
what she thought was a negative way toward the trier sibling because it's
just not really talked about as honestly as some subjects around here are.

Probably the biggest reason is that while it's a 'truth' of the situation it
can be embarrassing for a parent to admit their child is/was being selfish
or intolerant. It can be hard to lay that all out on the line for everyone
to see and perhaps have a negative impression of the parent take hold.

Molly being second born came up with a jealousy and resentment streak with
what she saw as rarely getting her 'fair share' of Jim and I. And honestly I
could see why she did. Alex took 10 times more work/help to have success in
areas that just came naturally to her.
Nope, it wasn't fair to Molly, giving less would have been unfair to Alex
and it just really stunk all the way around because I was exhausted working
with Alex so much...I wanted more fun and less work like the other parents
with kids my age were having.

Right now Alex just annoys Molly most of the time but I think that it's more
a 'typical'  teenaged sibling reaction. He hugs, kisses and hangs onto her
and it makes her crazy. And in public embarrasses the heck out of her.
She doesn't want him to touch her at school (now that they're in the same
building) or spend "too" much time talking to him.
I think some of it stems from the fact that she has already endured teasing
and 'mean girls' over her school years and she sometimes views her brother
as something that can bring that all back on her. In 4th grade she was so
miserable one day she came home from a humiliating day with her peers and
talked about wishing she was dead. Talk about scary!!!!

Alex does sit with Molly at lunch sometimes and she doesn't chase him off
which I was happy to hear! lol
Apparently the other kids she's sitting with tolerate (if that's the right
word)  him as well.

You do have to keep in mind, neither Molly nor anyone else knows of Alex's
genetic situation.
How that does/ does not affect his situation/standing in the eyes of others
would be a guess.

To her, Alex is just an annoying brother who is short and has difficulty
learning.

Michelle mom to Alex (18, partial trisomy 14 mosaic) and Molly (14)
MichiganUSA

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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