[tri-med] Re: [tri-family] Re: matthews first feeding therapy appt.

In a message dated 07/29/2002 5:46:06 PM Eastern Daylight Time, 
karens@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx writes:

<< The basic premise is that the child has learnt not to eat / have an 
aversion
 to food or whatever in the mum-child situation and the child has learnt what
 mum will and will not tolerate, how far they can go etc etc. That is that
 the child has learnt to manipulate the situation and that the mother is too
 emotionally involved to prevent/stop the manipulation. >>


Ah, now I can see why mom there may be a distraction. Thank you again for all 
the time you take to patiently educate me and explain things.

<<Children DO need floor time to grow and develop, especially for things such
as trunk/head control, independence in play, learning about their
environment and so on and they DO need to learn to separate from the
parents/siblings.>>

Michael gets floor time.  I can put him down provided we are home and there 
aren't other people around (besides his siblings)  
He is actually doing much better than everyone expected. At his recent 
evaluation with the PT he was beyond all the goals we set up for him 6 months 
ago. So I am not concerned with having to hold him when we are out and about. 
 I agree that children need to eventually learn independence but I do not 
think it needs to be in the infant/toddler age.  They are dependent by 
nature-can't walk or feed themselves.  Now if Michael continues to need 
assistance in these areas as he gets older I will have to reevaluate the 
situation and how we handle it.  But for now, I carry him around, as I did 
with my others (who are pretty independent now).  

<<Does he need to be consoled by being picked up? Or does he know that if he
cries that he will be picked up? Manipulation is NOT a bad thing, but like
anything it can get out of control. You both need to set limits that are
reasonable.>>.........<<Perhaps with regard to
how much crying you will allow, or whether you comfort him where he is
rather than picking him up every time.>>

Usually nursing stops it immediately and I do not think that is a bad thing.  
The PT would prefer I give him a pacifier or find some other method. I am 
willing to try other methods of comforting him and have.  They just don't 
seem to work and I will not let him get to the point where he can barely 
breath.
I do not believe he is capable of thinking "manipulation" at this stage.  I 
feel babies have certain needs and his are not being met so he cries and 
seeks comfort.  He really seems petrified, not just upset. I cannot let him 
"cry it out."  It just doesn't feel right.  My gut tells me to go to him and 
help him.

<<Oh I wont leave Alex alone in hospital for ANYONE - EVER, EVER, EVER. Seen
way too many mistakes made when I AM there. I cant imagine what would happen
if I wasnt there.>>
Same here.  I shutter at what could have happened had I not stayed by his 
side.  

<<It would have worked a lot earlier if someone else
had done it, and I still feel like a mean mean mum.>>

But it did work.  I guess I would rather something take alittle longer if it 
didn't cause a ton of stress than to have it work sooner while putting him 
through hell. Perhaps I am naive, I don't know.

Thank you Karen for all of the time you take to answer my questions.  I 
appreciate it and have learned so much on these lists. 
 

Blessings W,
Monica
Mom to AJ (7), Christine (4), Mary Elizabeth (^i^) and Michael (9 months,T-18 
mosaic)
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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