[tri-med] Re: teasing

>> Already, Christina (4 yo) sometimes makes me cry when she talks about
>> Caroline.  She doesn't understand that Caroline is different than Kallie.

>There are people who's typical children don't want to have anything to do
>with their sibling or are embarrassed by their sibling. There are those who
>are mean to their sibling. There are those who resent the extra attention
>their sibling receives or the frustration they feel in trying to have what
>they consider a 'normal' life.

Okay ladies, you've woken me up now.  When Philina was born Thom (high
frequency hearing loss left ear only & lazy speech pattern) was 4 1/2 & Lara 
was 2 1/2.  As Lara was my only really "typical" kiddo, and the middle child 
as well, she was the one most prone to those kinds of feelings, (though if 
you asked Thom, he was of the opinion that we loved the girls, and especially 
Lara, the most).  Philina just demanded, and usually got, the attention she 
needed/wanted and was totally oblivious to jealousies and most slights.  

There were neighborhood kids who were mean to her...but there were also ones
who were mean to Thom and even Lara too.  In fact we had some rather poopy
neighborhood kids in the cul-de-sac all 3 of them grew up in.  

But back to my kids interactions with each other.  When Philina was little & 
fragile, 
she slept in our room by necessity.  Our bedroom had a "pullman bath" set up 
with 
a dressing area, and her port-a-crib fit in there pretty well with just a stub 
of a wall
separating us.   But when she out grew the crib, I moved her into Lara's room, 
but 
in a separate bed.  Lara still wasn't thrilled, Philina was a pretty noisy 
sleeper.  
Removing her adenoids helped, but she was also frequently an up till 3AM roamer 
too,
so Lara would lock Philina out of their room some nights, and most days as well.
Thus Philina often slept, when she would sleep that is, on the couch...these 
days she's
as likely as not to just throw a sleeping bag and pillow on the living room 
floor in 
front of the TV and flake out, even though she has a room all to herself.  

I tolerated Lara locking her out, because she really did need to feel that she 
had some
space of her own, and a sanctuary where she could lock herself away from the 
noise
to do homework.  Really there was only one occasion where I felt that Lara 
crossed the 
line of intolerance toward her sister, and it wasn't even really of her own 
instigating.  
Lara was only about 4 or 5 at the time, and we were on a family vacation, 
hiking up a
trail to a visitor's center, when this strange woman asked about Philina's 
condition.  

I always took such opportunities to educate people, but this woman was truly a 
jerk.  
After I explained Philina's condition to her, she turned to little Lara and 
said, "Don't you 
think that it's unfair of your parents to keep her and steal all the time and 
money they 
spend on her instead of you?  Don't you feel deprived?  Wouldn't it be better 
for you if 
they put her in an institution?"  

Lara thought it over for a few minutes, and I was VERY disappointed to hear her 
response of, "Yes!  Why don't we get rid of her?"  

After I glared at the woman (if looks could kill), I turned to Lara and said, 
"And exactly 
what are you missing out on?  Don't we still take you on family vacation?  And 
to the 
zoo, and Disneyland?  You still got to go to swimming lessons and gymnastics 
and 
preschool.  Your friends come over to visit, and you go to their houses.  
Besides, 
would you really want parents who would just give away one of their kids?  If 
I'd give 
away one of you, how could you be sure you wouldn't be next?"  

She didn't even have to think that time before she said, "Let's keep her!"  






Fawna, mom to Philina 22 yrs (PT6p & Moya Moya Syndrome)
Research Coordinator: Tracking Rare Incidence Syndromes 
(TRIS) project - We are currently enrolling all varieties of 
Trisomy 13 & 18, living & deceased, for the pilot phase.  
To include your child's data and help update the medical 
literature please see: http://web.coehs.siu.edu/Grants/TRIS/
And to add a link for your Trisomy child's personal web page 
please see: http://www.livingwithtrisomy.org/
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

Other related posts: