[tri-med] Re: With shock and great sorrow....

Loren and family,My heart, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you grieve 
the loss of your precious Keren.  I want to believe that someday our special 
little ones would not ever have to leave us.  But knowing that they are going 
to a place that is beautiful filled glorious sounds with joy and praise with 
perfect bodies, perfect souls and perfect minds can bring you comfort.  And 
knowing that she watches over you and your family and waits for your joyful 
reunion will dry your tears of sadness to tears of great peace and 
joy.DorettaGrandma to Bryson Full T13Born 6/9/06  > CC: Tri-Med@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> 
From: lorenwarn@xxxxxxxxx> Subject: [tri-med] With shock and great sorrow....> 
Date: Fri, 30 Jan 2009 03:34:40 -0500> To: tri-family@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> > Dear 
Friends,> > I've been in deep lurk for a long time, not because things have 
been  > difficult, but because things have been VERY status quo, busy, and  > 
full of joy. Our three girls have been growing like weeds. The  > younger 
girls, Clare and Evvie (3 1/2 years and 22 months) have been  > keeping Kraig 
and me on our toes with everything they've been  > learning (and testing us 
with!). Keren (6 1/4 years, T18) has been  > growing so much physically and in 
every area. She's been thriving at  > school, and losing her baby teeth like 
mad (and getting some new  > ones). Driving us crazy with some silly self-stims 
like poking her  > eye or gouging her gums, but for the most part full of huge 
hugs and  > squeezes, accompanied by laughs, squeals and sloppy kisses. ...And  
> we've been gearing up to announce to everyone our crazy, happy news  > that 
we're about 13 weeks into expecting number four!!!> > And then Wednesday of 
this week, January 28, the unthinkable,  > unbelievable happened: We lost our 
Keren-girl....> > She'd come down with one of her typical bug/colds 
Sunday--fever with  > some congestion. Her norm with a "bad" one is that she'll 
have the  > fever and cold for a few days, then it turns into sinusitis of an  
> infection of that sort, she goes on antibiotics, end of story. I  > guess God 
had different plans this time. Her fever was manageable,  > but constant from 
Sunday on, but though the congestion seemed to  > clear up Monday Keren kind of 
slept non-stop Monday-on. That was a  > bit strange. I talked with the doctor's 
office Tuesday afternoon  > (third day in) and the nurse and I agreed that 
since the fever was  > controlled by meds, we'd just set up an appointment for 
Wednesday and  > bring her in if the fever hadn't broken. Wednesday morning I 
got  > Keren up from bed to get a bath and as I washed her, I noticed her  > 
breathing change--really labored and awful, almost obstructing, but  > she 
wouldn't cough anything up (very unusual for her....). I quickly  > got her 
back into bed with her cpap/sleep apnea machine, and that  > improved her 
color, but she was still just breathing through her  > mouth (had been doing 
that). Called the doc's office and they said,  > yes, bring her in now, but if 
anything changed to take her  > immediately to emergency. My sister was able to 
get over within ten  > minutes to watch the younger girls, so I packed Keren 
up, along with  > her cpap (we have a power inverter in the car) and took off.> 
> Wednesday here was one of our snowy days--it was going like fury (of  > 
course). I quick called my OB's office to cancel what was to be my 12  > week 
appointment that morning, and canceled one other appt. Keren was  > to have. 
Throughout, I could hear Keren's labored breathing. We were  > less than a mile 
from home when I realized that I didn't here her any  > more. I got off the 
road, and got to her, and she was completely  > unresponsive. My brain was 
frozen--I could hardly think enough to  > figure out if she had a pulse, and I 
didn't want to take the time. I  > just laid her down on the floor, hoping 
she'd breathe better that  > way, turned the car toward our nearby urgent care 
and called 911.  > They had paramedics meet up with us before we got to urgent 
care.  > Amazingly swift. After a few minutes of working on her in the  > 
ambulance, they told me which hospital they were taking her to. I had  > the 
choice of going with her or driving myself, and I chose to drive.  > Isn't it 
strange. It's one of those choices that I think is probably  > vastly different 
for each of us. I think I knew I'd be in the way in  > ambulance, that I needed 
space to think, pray, call Kraig, etc. I  > wonder now if it was mostly because 
that strange, unresponsive little  > girl they had taken from my car was NOT my 
Keren. I think my Keren  > was already gone...> > As I drove to the hospital 
(don't worry, I was a good girl and didn't  > try to keep up with the 
ambulance....), I kept praying, "Lord, please  > don't let this be it," but at 
the same time I had an unshakeable  > peace that if this WAS it, God was with 
us and Keren, and had us in  > His hand. When I got to the hospital, the doctor 
and nurses were with  > me in minutes. They explained that they had been 
administering CPR,  > meds, and ventilator on Keren for a full hour by that 
point (can an  > hour be so fast?), and she had not responded once. The 
diagnosis was  > a respiratory arrest, that went into cardiac arrest. I was 
basically  > faced with the words, "Within minutes we need to stop. There's  > 
nothing more we can do...." Tried to process it all--even asked point- > blank 
if any of this would be different if she wasn't trisomy. They  > hadn't even 
had her medical history as they worked on her. I called  > Kraig and he was 
already on the road from work, and my brother-in-law  > was there right as they 
took me to Keren. My bro-in-law has done EMS  > work, and got to talk to the 
EMS workers right there, confirming for  > us that they had done all they 
could.> > So that's it. I got to weep on my girl. Kraig arrived, then more  > 
family and close friends, pastor from church, were all there with  > their arms 
around us. It's been like that since. We came home to more  > food already than 
we could imagine at the house, with my sister and  > close family friends doing 
laundry and running herd on our little  > girls. Two of Kraig's three siblings 
are right here in town, and were  > over most of the day. Amazingly, Kraig's 
dad is here this week from  > his work overseas, and my youngest sister is home 
from grad school  > out east. My other sis and her husband were supposed to be 
in  > Maryland by now for a new job, but the process has been slower than  > 
expected, so they're still here. My parents had just left on vacation  > 
Sunday, and flew back immediately, and Kraig's mom is flying in from  > 
overseas. His other brother and family arrive in the morning. Our  > church, 
within hours, had set-up a meals and child-care coordinator,  > and the love 
has been overflowing. The hardest phone call that I  > wanted to make myself 
was to Keren's teacher to let them know.... Oh,  > that was awful. I think 
that's one of the hardest things--letting all  > those who have known and loved 
Keren know that she's gone....> > I'm in process mode, or something like that 
at the moment. I'm  > finding I want to just keep moving and planning, and 
talking the  > whole thing through. I'm letting the emotions come when they 
come,  > and avoiding the "what if" game with a vengeance.... Keren's  > 
pediatrician called us Wednesday night, and it was so reassuring to  > talk it 
through with him and here him say we had done everything that  > could have 
been done, and what would we have done differently? I  > slept horribly 
Wednesday night--not surprising. I was doing much  > better tonight, but Ev was 
crying since she crawled our of her  > covers, and after I tucked her in, my 
brain wouldn't shut off. I've  > been wanting to write all this down, and now 
seemed ideal.... Kraig's  > hanging in there. Keren was so much her girl--he's 
been wrapped  > around her finger since she first grasped his in the NICU six 
years  > ago.... The little girls are coping in their ways. Evelyn isn't too  > 
phased, but the first night she kept pointing at Keren's bed going  > "Sissy! 
Sissy!" Finally I put her on the bed, and she immediately  > grabbed Keren's 
pillow and crawled under the sheets. That's where she  > wanted to sleep. Clare 
has been going through the round of emotions.  > I can't imagine how hard it 
must be for a 3 1/2 year old to process  > this. Keren has always been in her 
life.... On the one hand, Clare is  > thrilled that Keren can now walk, and 
talk, and have her new house  > with Jesus (a concept that we've built on a lot 
since we moved into  > our new house a year ago. It connected with a Bible 
story we read  > about Jesus making a new home for us in heaven, and when it's 
ready,  > he calls us there. That's made a lot of sense to Clare, though she  > 
often has said, "But I don't want to die! I like THIS house." Can't  > argue 
with that logic!). On the other hand, she hits those awful  > moments where she 
breaks down and wants to know when Sissy will be  > home, and says, "But I want 
TWO sisters!" Oh, I couldn't agree more....> > Phew, sorry, this is a long 
one.> > We've got the service arranged for Sunday afternoon. You can actually  
> see Keren and the service info at rggharris.com (go to "Keren  > 
Warnemuende").> > I will REALLY try to keep you posted.> > This list has been 
such a help and comfort to us from day one. I'm  > sorry I haven't been able to 
be more active on it in recent years....  > Thank you in advance for all your 
thoughts and prayers....> > Love,> Loren, wife to Kraig, mom to Keren Elyse 
(T18, 9/27/02~1/28/09),  > Clarissa Joanne (7/17/05), Evelyn Ruth (4/26/07) and 
baby due (EDD  > 8/6/09).> > > > > > >                   Building ___ooOOoo__ 
Rainbows>                        www.trisomyonline.org>                   
Families Helping Families On-line> 
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                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
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                  Families Helping Families On-line

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