[tri-med] Re: With shock and great sorrow....

Dear Loren,

I am so sorry for the loss of your angel, Keren.  I can't even imagine your 
grief.  May you see Keren's light in your new baby's eyes.  A heartfelt hug for 
you and your family.

Sincerely,

Annette and Annette


--- On Fri, 1/30/09, Loren Warnemuende <lorenwarn@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> From: Loren Warnemuende <lorenwarn@xxxxxxxxx>
> Subject: [tri-med] With shock and great sorrow....
> To: tri-family@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Cc: Tri-Med@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
> Date: Friday, January 30, 2009, 2:34 AM
> Dear Friends,
> 
> I've been in deep lurk for a long time, not because
> things have been  
> difficult, but because things have been VERY status quo,
> busy, and  
> full of joy. Our three girls have been growing like weeds.
> The  
> younger girls, Clare and Evvie (3 1/2 years and 22 months)
> have been  
> keeping Kraig and me on our toes with everything
> they've been  
> learning (and testing us with!). Keren (6 1/4 years, T18)
> has been  
> growing so much physically and in every area. She's
> been thriving at  
> school, and losing her baby teeth like mad (and getting
> some new  
> ones). Driving us crazy with some silly self-stims like
> poking her  
> eye or gouging her gums, but for the most part full of huge
> hugs and  
> squeezes, accompanied by laughs, squeals and sloppy kisses.
> ...And  
> we've been gearing up to announce to everyone our
> crazy, happy news  
> that we're about 13 weeks into expecting number four!!!
> 
> And then Wednesday of this week, January 28, the
> unthinkable,  
> unbelievable happened: We lost our Keren-girl....
> 
> She'd come down with one of her typical bug/colds
> Sunday--fever with  
> some congestion. Her norm with a "bad" one is
> that she'll have the  
> fever and cold for a few days, then it turns into sinusitis
> of an  
> infection of that sort, she goes on antibiotics, end of
> story. I  
> guess God had different plans this time. Her fever was
> manageable,  
> but constant from Sunday on, but though the congestion
> seemed to  
> clear up Monday Keren kind of slept non-stop Monday-on.
> That was a  
> bit strange. I talked with the doctor's office Tuesday
> afternoon  
> (third day in) and the nurse and I agreed that since the
> fever was  
> controlled by meds, we'd just set up an appointment for
> Wednesday and  
> bring her in if the fever hadn't broken. Wednesday
> morning I got  
> Keren up from bed to get a bath and as I washed her, I
> noticed her  
> breathing change--really labored and awful, almost
> obstructing, but  
> she wouldn't cough anything up (very unusual for
> her....). I quickly  
> got her back into bed with her cpap/sleep apnea machine,
> and that  
> improved her color, but she was still just breathing
> through her  
> mouth (had been doing that). Called the doc's office
> and they said,  
> yes, bring her in now, but if anything changed to take her 
> 
> immediately to emergency. My sister was able to get over
> within ten  
> minutes to watch the younger girls, so I packed Keren up,
> along with  
> her cpap (we have a power inverter in the car) and took
> off.
> 
> Wednesday here was one of our snowy days--it was going like
> fury (of  
> course). I quick called my OB's office to cancel what
> was to be my 12  
> week appointment that morning, and canceled one other appt.
> Keren was  
> to have. Throughout, I could hear Keren's labored
> breathing. We were  
> less than a mile from home when I realized that I
> didn't here her any  
> more. I got off the road, and got to her, and she was
> completely  
> unresponsive. My brain was frozen--I could hardly think
> enough to  
> figure out if she had a pulse, and I didn't want to
> take the time. I  
> just laid her down on the floor, hoping she'd breathe
> better that  
> way, turned the car toward our nearby urgent care and
> called 911.  
> They had paramedics meet up with us before we got to urgent
> care.  
> Amazingly swift. After a few minutes of working on her in
> the  
> ambulance, they told me which hospital they were taking her
> to. I had  
> the choice of going with her or driving myself, and I chose
> to drive.  
> Isn't it strange. It's one of those choices that I
> think is probably  
> vastly different for each of us. I think I knew I'd be
> in the way in  
> ambulance, that I needed space to think, pray, call Kraig,
> etc. I  
> wonder now if it was mostly because that strange,
> unresponsive little  
> girl they had taken from my car was NOT my Keren. I think
> my Keren  
> was already gone...
> 
> As I drove to the hospital (don't worry, I was a good
> girl and didn't  
> try to keep up with the ambulance....), I kept praying,
> "Lord, please  
> don't let this be it," but at the same time I had
> an unshakeable  
> peace that if this WAS it, God was with us and Keren, and
> had us in  
> His hand. When I got to the hospital, the doctor and nurses
> were with  
> me in minutes. They explained that they had been
> administering CPR,  
> meds, and ventilator on Keren for a full hour by that point
> (can an  
> hour be so fast?), and she had not responded once. The
> diagnosis was  
> a respiratory arrest, that went into cardiac arrest. I was
> basically  
> faced with the words, "Within minutes we need to stop.
> There's  
> nothing more we can do...." Tried to process it
> all--even asked point- 
> blank if any of this would be different if she wasn't
> trisomy. They  
> hadn't even had her medical history as they worked on
> her. I called  
> Kraig and he was already on the road from work, and my
> brother-in-law  
> was there right as they took me to Keren. My bro-in-law has
> done EMS  
> work, and got to talk to the EMS workers right there,
> confirming for  
> us that they had done all they could.
> 
> So that's it. I got to weep on my girl. Kraig arrived,
> then more  
> family and close friends, pastor from church, were all
> there with  
> their arms around us. It's been like that since. We
> came home to more  
> food already than we could imagine at the house, with my
> sister and  
> close family friends doing laundry and running herd on our
> little  
> girls. Two of Kraig's three siblings are right here in
> town, and were  
> over most of the day. Amazingly, Kraig's dad is here
> this week from  
> his work overseas, and my youngest sister is home from grad
> school  
> out east. My other sis and her husband were supposed to be
> in  
> Maryland by now for a new job, but the process has been
> slower than  
> expected, so they're still here. My parents had just
> left on vacation  
> Sunday, and flew back immediately, and Kraig's mom is
> flying in from  
> overseas. His other brother and family arrive in the
> morning. Our  
> church, within hours, had set-up a meals and child-care
> coordinator,  
> and the love has been overflowing. The hardest phone call
> that I  
> wanted to make myself was to Keren's teacher to let
> them know.... Oh,  
> that was awful. I think that's one of the hardest
> things--letting all  
> those who have known and loved Keren know that she's
> gone....
> 
> I'm in process mode, or something like that at the
> moment. I'm  
> finding I want to just keep moving and planning, and
> talking the  
> whole thing through. I'm letting the emotions come when
> they come,  
> and avoiding the "what if" game with a
> vengeance.... Keren's  
> pediatrician called us Wednesday night, and it was so
> reassuring to  
> talk it through with him and here him say we had done
> everything that  
> could have been done, and what would we have done
> differently? I  
> slept horribly Wednesday night--not surprising. I was doing
> much  
> better tonight, but Ev was crying since she crawled our of
> her  
> covers, and after I tucked her in, my brain wouldn't
> shut off. I've  
> been wanting to write all this down, and now seemed
> ideal.... Kraig's  
> hanging in there. Keren was so much her girl--he's been
> wrapped  
> around her finger since she first grasped his in the NICU
> six years  
> ago.... The little girls are coping in their ways. Evelyn
> isn't too  
> phased, but the first night she kept pointing at
> Keren's bed going  
> "Sissy! Sissy!" Finally I put her on the bed, and
> she immediately  
> grabbed Keren's pillow and crawled under the sheets.
> That's where she  
> wanted to sleep. Clare has been going through the round of
> emotions.  
> I can't imagine how hard it must be for a 3 1/2 year
> old to process  
> this. Keren has always been in her life.... On the one
> hand, Clare is  
> thrilled that Keren can now walk, and talk, and have her
> new house  
> with Jesus (a concept that we've built on a lot since
> we moved into  
> our new house a year ago. It connected with a Bible story
> we read  
> about Jesus making a new home for us in heaven, and when
> it's ready,  
> he calls us there. That's made a lot of sense to Clare,
> though she  
> often has said, "But I don't want to die! I like
> THIS house." Can't  
> argue with that logic!). On the other hand, she hits those
> awful  
> moments where she breaks down and wants to know when Sissy
> will be  
> home, and says, "But I want TWO sisters!" Oh, I
> couldn't agree more....
> 
> Phew, sorry, this is a long one.
> 
> We've got the service arranged for Sunday afternoon.
> You can actually  
> see Keren and the service info at rggharris.com (go to
> "Keren  
> Warnemuende").
> 
> I will REALLY try to keep you posted.
> 
> This list has been such a help and comfort to us from day
> one. I'm  
> sorry I haven't been able to be more active on it in
> recent years....  
> Thank you in advance for all your thoughts and prayers....
> 
> Love,
> Loren, wife to Kraig, mom to Keren Elyse (T18,
> 9/27/02~1/28/09),  
> Clarissa Joanne (7/17/05), Evelyn Ruth (4/26/07) and baby
> due (EDD  
> 8/6/09).
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
>                   Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
>                        www.trisomyonline.org
>                   Families Helping Families On-line


      
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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