[tri-med] Re: Talk rollercoaster ride!!!!- my depressing mood/g-d/abortion ment)

i have been through nothing compared to how busy you have been the past few  
weeks and years. but this week, i feel like i have just had it. i just don't 
get  this whole world, or what g-d is doing with us. Of course this is because 
of  Jason. i don't understand- i am supposed to believe that he is meant to 
be, that  g-d intended him this way, right?........that is what gets me through 
my days,  that is why i did not have an abortion, that is what i believed.
 
but it bothers me that most trisomy's end in miscarriage and they say  
"because it was not supposed to be"..........i am having a hard time again in  
dealing with this and my decision to have him. i want answers. This is so  
frustrating and because i knew early and had a choice i feel like i brought 
this  on 
myself.
 
i feel like i have had enough and don't even want to be here anymore.  i am 
in no way suicidal. i just sometimes feel like heaven is a better place  than 
here and i rather be there than here. Because i just don't understand  this 
world. Its just not a happy place for me anymore. 
 
i have not felt this way in a while- so i guess i have had a few good weeks  
and should be grateful for that.
 
Sharon Monderer
mom to Jason T17m, and Lauren 3 years od


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