[tri-med] Re: Platitudes you hate

Sorry, I'm SO behind on emails! (for good reason; I just graduated from  
Indiana Wesleyan Univ. with my BSc in Nursing, if I may brag a bit :) Since I  
haven't written in a while, I'll give a Reader's Digest version of myself for  
those who don't know me: recent grad from nursing school, passionate about  
neonates and their families, working toward a Master's as a Neonatal NP, on the 
 
list to learn about trisomies.
 
Re: platitudes you hate (copy of Michelle's email below); having never  
experienced a trisomy child, what platitude would be appropriate for someone  
like 
me to say (if platitudes are acceptable at all). ie, what can/should I say  to 
you?
I hope that makes some sense!
Thanks,
 
: ) Annee, BSN : ) 
Oh, how the little things
Strengthen my  tiny wings,
Help me to take on the world,
When you love me,
There's  nothing I wouldn't try,
I might even fly.
-Sarah Groves, All Right  Here 

"You were chosen for a reason" ( a punishment? why does my innocent babe  
have to pay? I'd much rather it be a random happening frankly.)

"God  doesn't give you more than you can handle" (tell that to the parents 
whom  having a disabled child forces into poverty, divorce, the abuse heaped 
onto  the children, mental illnesses/depression, the suicides, murder ,  etc)

"You are strong enough to handle it" (gee, do I have a choice? ???  And look 
at some of what happens to people, obviously NOT all who are so  'blessed' do 
handle it).

"It could be worse" (yep, pretty much any  situation could be. but that 
doesn't make it easier to deal with at those  times you've sunk lower than a 
snakes belly. in fact, it then makes you feel  guilty on top of whatever 
feeling you were already having and expressed that  brought on the 'it could 
be worse' platitude.)

"that's normal" : One  platitude that gets me these days, and is really more 
specific to our gray  zone of life, is when I'm talking (or bemoaning!) about 
something in Alex's  life and it gets dismissed as 'that's so 
normal'..........I have nieces,  nephews and heck....another teen living in 
our house.....I KNOW normal! but  there are things that are a 'normal with a 
trisomy twist'.......that are  'normal' happenings but they are influenced 
and affected by Alex's trisomy  issues 9 times out of 10.
I just really hate being rejected or dismissed in  that way. But in all 
honesty, most people can't/don't see the WHOLE Alex  picture most of the 
time......it really is convoluted with typical and  trisomy and can be 
difficult to see where on issue ends and the other  begins.
It is really hard to 'see' the twists on typical that Alex  experiences or 
lives.
And I'm having a hard time explaining that too!!!!!  lol
(note: I'm using the word 'normal' since it's what is said to me. I  
'normally' use the word 'typical' myself.)

"you'll get over  it"..........how do you get over something you keep living 
and  reliving??????

"it will get better".  (really? and you know this  how???? must be a crystal 
ball made it off back order! and what 'IS' better?  it's more like we get 
used to it and cope, learn and grow. 'cause the  trisomy sure doesn't go 
away! we're not talking a common cold or fractured  finger here)

this one doesn't really bother me but it's silly "I couldn't  do what you 
do". (really???? and you know this how???  Honestly, until  you're tested who 
knows what you can do?)

Michelle mom to Alex (20,  partial trisomy 14 mosaic) and Molly  (16)
MichiganUSA




**************************************See AOL's top rated recipes 
(http://food.aol.com/top-rated-recipes?NCID=aoltop00030000000004)


                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

Other related posts: