[tri-med] Re: Older boys and behaviour

At 02:08 AM 6/10/2008, you wrote:

>Jocelyn, is there a support group in your area for caregivers of the
>elderly/those with dementia etc?
>Anything through the geriatric dept of a local hospital.

Yes, I have great support from the medical community here in the 
Hawkesbury area. I attend a Carers Group once a month, Frank and I 
are about to begin a seven week course entitled "Living with Memory 
Loss". We both attend. Some sessions are together, and some we will 
separate in to two groups, the carers and the recipients. We have our 
first session tomorrow, so I'll let you know how we go.



>Have your talked with your children about the situation and explained how
>it's impacting you?
>A family conference?


I talk to them when I get a chance. I often resort to emails, to 
convey new information about Frank's condition eg,  He has just been 
prescribed Aricept (which is for Altzeimers).


>My Mom is entering what you are dealing with. Dad's not as far along as
>Frank at this time.
>But some days Mom shares with me. I have given her some suggestions, offered
>to have a family talk including Dad, but I think she's a bit paralyzed at
>the moment and not able/willing to follow any suggestions.

I understand how your Mum feels. In the beginning when it all begins 
to go wrong, you can not believe this is happening, so one minute you 
are in denial then the next you are feeling anxious because you KNOW 
that something is wrong with them. Going to the Carers was the best 
thing I did, as I learned more about the conditions, and how things 
can progress (very scary and confronting) but I also get lots of 
support in the form of sharing solutions, outings etc.

>Some days I think I'm rotten for not being more proactive but this is THEIR
>household and THEIR lives and until I'm invited in more to the situation I
>can't do more.
>Add in all the drama and trauma and busyness of my own home life and I don't
>know if I have the energy but I'd sure help out if asked to the best of my
>ability.

This is exactly why I don't involve our two children who live in our 
State (Susie is in Brisbane to can not be of day to day help). I did 
let off steam to Gill one day, and she said there was "bed at her 
place anytime I wanted to escape". Ian has a lot on his plate too, 
what with his job, family, and Tess. But I have just arranged for him 
to come over and help me with banking etc. later this week.

That old saying that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger is 
so true; things I would have run from years ago, I have found that 
now I'm in the position where I have no choice in the matter, I have 
to dig deep inside myself and, know what? I am beginning to 
understand and be able to work out such things as banking etc. Never 
would have believed it in a million years.

 From the mother perspective, just be there to listen and sympathise. 
When your Mum needs you to help her she will ask you. Certainly the 
main comfort for me now is that they UNDERSTAND what is happening to their Dad.

Thanks Michelle, again for being so supportive on this list.



Jocelyn, wife to Frank, loving Nanna to Tess with Trisomy 18, age 11 
years, and four other beautiful grandchildren,
  living in New South Wales, Australia
. 

                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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