[tri-med] Re: Mitchell / for shea

Thank you Shea
  All of those tings you say are true,
  I know them to be true deep in my heart.
  We spent 39 weeks learning to love our little man
  and I KNOW in my heart I did everything I could have possibly done for him as 
his mother.
  yes, I am grieving, it's only been 2 weeks, Most importantly i am letting 
myself grieve...
  When people ask me "how I am?" i say....
  "Infinitesimally sad and tired, but I'm supposed to be...."
  I am also blessed with the knowledge, that Mitchell gave more to us, than we 
ever gave to him, his spirit touched so many lives, because we were not afraid 
to talk about him, to share his condition (T-18), to name him, to let my father 
in law but his hand on my belly and feel him kick,(that was funny...you know 
how older men of that generation can sometimes be!!)
  to show off my 3D ultrasound pictures to every one we knew...
  "would you like to see a picture of my son?"  hehehehe
  We honored him, God gave him life, we gave him a place to grow and a family 
that truly loves him, and God took him back...
  But we are still honoring him...
  "would you like to see a picture of my son?'"
  then I tell the person,"yea he is beautiful isn't he?, he went to Heaven on 
Valentines day.."
  thanks for your kind words of support
  jenn ayers
  ps
  "would you like to see a picture of my son?"   heheheheh
  
shea barja <bsbarja@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:
  Dear Jennifer,

I am so sorry for your loss. I know your grief is overwhelming and I hesitate 
to send you this email. But as an older woman, I wanted to share my experience 
if you are willing to listen. Sp many others on this list have endured the 
death of a child, and those who love and care for you are carrying you through 
your loss with their love and prayers. 

Years ago, I miscarried my little baby Gabriel at 16 weeks. We buried him in a 
special place at a Lutheran church here in Charlotte, for children born too 
soon. I never went back. I was bitter and sad for about a year after he died. 
One day, I realized I needed to move on, be happy with the children I had, and 
the ones to come, and know Gabriel was safe in Heaven. I was so broken hearted 
before God, I still wasn't pregnant again, and I wanted Gabriel back. But I was 
so broken. I made a deal with God that day. I asked him, if when I die, Gabriel 
would meet me there and call me Mom, I never had the chance to hear that 
beautiful word from him, I could go on. If Gabriel realized how much I loved 
him those few blessed weeks, and how much I continue to love him forever, I 
could do it. It wasn't easy, but I felt love and forgiveness for my bitterness 
wash over me, and peace in my heart, finally. Down the road, I gave birth to my 
last child, Wesley, born when I was
forty. And what a blessing he is. I call him the frosting on my cake. I still 
look at my seventeen year old son Kyle, and Wesley, who is thirteen, and see a 
fun-loving, free-spirited child, somewhere between those two. But Gabriel is 
far beyond a teenage boy on the verge of manhood. He must be so beautiful and 
wonderful, having never known the sin and sorrow of this world. Gabriel is in 
Heaven, making memories there for us, as we are making memories for him on 
Earth. Fifteen years later, I still think of Gabriel with a bit of sadness but 
mostly with love and fond memories. I wish I could have had him longer, but he 
is still my son, and I am still his mother. 

I write these words because although giving up one's child to God at such an 
early age, at any age, is hard, there is always abundant love to help you 
through your loss and the overwhelming sorrow you are experiencing, and it will 
get better. Grieve, grieve, and grieve more. One day, I promise, you will look 
back on your 39 weeks with Mitchell, with tears, gladness, and thanksgiving as 
the time you grew an angel in your womb. 

my~love~to~you,
shea barja


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                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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