[tri-med] Re: Mitchell

 

Shea, 

 That was beautiful. Truly! 

Karen, grandma to Julian, mosaic trisomy 1

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From:  shea barja <bsbarja@xxxxxxxxx>
Reply-To:  tri-med@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
To:  tri-med@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subject:  [tri-med] Mitchell
Date:  Tue, 27 Feb 2007 08:00:35 -0800 (PST)
>Dear Jennifer,
>
>   I am so sorry for your loss.  I know your grief is overwhelming and I
hesitate to send you this email.  But as an older woman, I wanted to share
myexperience if you are willing to listen.  Sp many others on this list have
endured the death of a child, and those who love and care for you are
carrying you through your loss with their love and prayers.
>
>   Years ago, I miscarried my little baby Gabriel at 16 weeks.  We buried
him in a special place at a Lutheran church here in Charlotte, for children
born too soon.  I never went back.  I was bitter and sad for about a year
after he died.  One day, I realized I needed to move on, be happy with the
children I had, and the ones to come, and know Gabriel was safe in Heaven. 
Iwas so broken hearted before God, I still wasn't pregnant again, and I
wanted Gabriel back.  But I was so broken.  I made a deal with God that day.
 I asked him, if when I die, Gabriel would meet me there and call me Mom, I
never had the chance to hear that beautiful word from him, I could go on. 
IfGabriel realized how much I loved him those few blessed weeks, and how
muchI continue to love him forever, I could do it.  It wasn't easy, but I
felt love and forgiveness for my bitterness wash over me, and peace in my
heart, finally.  Down the road, I gave birth to my last child, Wesley, born
when I was
>  forty.  And what a blessing he is.  I call him the frosting on my cake. 
Istill look at my seventeen year old son Kyle, and Wesley, who is thirteen,
and see a fun-loving, free-spirited child, somewhere between those two.  But
Gabriel is far beyond a teenage boy on the verge of manhood.  He must be so
beautiful and wonderful, having never known the sin and sorrow of this
world.  Gabriel is in Heaven, making memories there for us, as we are making
memories for him on Earth.  Fifteen years later, I still think of Gabriel
with a bit of sadness but mostly with love and fond memories.  I wish I
couldhave had him longer, but he is still my son, and I am still his mother.
>
>   I write these words because although giving up one's child to God at
suchan early age, at any age, is hard, there is always abundant love to help
you through your loss and the overwhelming sorrow you are experiencing, and
it will get better.  Grieve, grieve, and grieve more.  One day, I promise,
you will look back on your 39 weeks with Mitchell, with tears, gladness, and
thanksgiving as the time you grew an angel in your womb.
>
>   my~love~to~you,
>   shea barja
>
>
>---------------------------------
>Cheap Talk? Check out Yahoo! Messenger's low PC-to-Phone call rates.
>
>                   Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
>                        www.trisomyonline.org
>                   Families Helping Families On-line
>


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