[tri-med] Mitchell

Dear Jennifer,
   
  I am so sorry for your loss.  I know your grief is overwhelming and I 
hesitate to send you this email.  But as an older woman, I wanted to share my 
experience if you are willing to listen.  Sp many others on this list have 
endured the death of a child, and those who love and care for you are carrying 
you through your loss with their love and prayers.  
   
  Years ago, I miscarried my little baby Gabriel at 16 weeks.  We buried him in 
a special place at a Lutheran church here in Charlotte, for children born too 
soon.  I never went back.  I was bitter and sad for about a year after he died. 
 One day, I realized I needed to move on, be happy with the children I had, and 
the ones to come, and know Gabriel was safe in Heaven.  I was so broken hearted 
before God, I still wasn't pregnant again, and I wanted Gabriel back.  But I 
was so broken.  I made a deal with God that day.  I asked him, if when I die, 
Gabriel would meet me there and call me Mom, I never had the chance to hear 
that beautiful word from him, I could go on.  If Gabriel realized how much I 
loved him those few blessed weeks, and how much I continue to love him forever, 
I could do it.  It wasn't easy, but I felt love and forgiveness for my 
bitterness wash over me, and peace in my heart, finally.  Down the road, I gave 
birth to my last child, Wesley, born when I was
 forty.  And what a blessing he is.  I call him the frosting on my cake.  I 
still look at my seventeen year old son Kyle, and Wesley, who is thirteen, and 
see a fun-loving, free-spirited child, somewhere between those two.  But 
Gabriel is far beyond a teenage boy on the verge of manhood.  He must be so 
beautiful and wonderful, having never known the sin and sorrow of this world.  
Gabriel is in Heaven, making memories there for us, as we are making memories 
for him on Earth.  Fifteen years later, I still think of Gabriel with a bit of 
sadness but mostly with love and fond memories.  I wish I could have had him 
longer, but he is still my son, and I am still his mother.  
   
  I write these words because although giving up one's child to God at such an 
early age, at any age, is hard, there is always abundant love to help you 
through your loss and the overwhelming sorrow you are experiencing, and it will 
get better.  Grieve, grieve, and grieve more.  One day, I promise, you will 
look back on your 39 weeks with Mitchell, with tears, gladness, and 
thanksgiving as the time you grew an angel in your womb.  
   
  my~love~to~you,
  shea barja
   
 
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