[tri-med] Re: Love and marriage and disabled kids!

WOW!  Great topic . . . I had been married to my first husband for 13 years 
when Soleah was born. During our marriage he had struggled on and off with 
drugs--mainly cocaine.  During my pregnancy, he got it together and got ready 
for the new baby.  When Soleah was born, we did really well and our marraige 
was  good because we were both in that "fight" mode.  But it wasn't long 
after--maybe three months--he started back on the drugs maybe somewhat because 
of some guilt related to her diagnosis or that was his excuse.  But when Soleah 
was 18 months old, my husband died in a hit and run accident while high and 
there I was with Soleah and her two big sisters.  It was easier in some ways to 
handle her on my own--I managed and felt like God really gave us great favor 
and provision during those years.  I didn't have anyone to fight with or 
another grown up to take care of or worry about.  Plus I didn't have the 
marraige to continuously work on if that makes sense.  And Soleah gave
 me the strength (and need) to carry on for all three girls.  Then five years 
after my first husbands death, I re-married . . . my husband now, Mike was 
clueless about children in general but especially a child with special needs.  
It's been slow but steady progress but he is a great dad to Soleah and is even 
thinking of changing careers and possibly may begin working in sp ed.  He is 
great with her.  She responds to him better than anyone else and they have 
become very close.  Then having another child together also just blended us all 
even better.  So in my second marraige, Soleah has given us more reason to all 
bond but also given me more love for him since he has tried so hard to 
understand and accomodate her.  Plus he respects me in what I do for her and 
how I have worked hard for her all of her life.  Unlike at the beginning, he 
now goes to almost all of her appts with me and helps alot.  So while she adds 
stress, it's not her fault (unlike the typical teens!) so it's
 easy to want to work together and help each other and her.  And I think most 
importantly, we both strongly believe (Biblically) in the covenant of marriage 
to for us "getting out" is not an option so we just move through the bad stuff 
to make it work.  It's been almost 8 yrs and seems to be going strong.
Melissa_Marohn@xxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:  I have to say that my marriage to Eric is 
stronger because of having Ella. 
I remember sitting in my hospital bed the day Ella was born (the day we 
got her diagnosis) and looked at each other and said "we have to be very 
honest and open with each other. We have to do this together or we won't 


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