[tri-med] Re: Love and marriage and disabled kids!

I have to say that my marriage to Eric is stronger because of having Ella. 
 I remember sitting in my hospital bed the day Ella was born (the day we 
got her diagnosis) and looked at each other and said "we have to be very 
honest and open with each other.  We have to do this together or we won't 
make it - we're a team".  We made a point to have alone time, to be a 
couple.  I know that's easier said then done.  We were VERY blessed and 
lucky to have family in the area who wanted and was able and willing to 
watch Ella.  We had some of our more memorable vacation weekends while she 
was alive, yet we were without her on those weekends.  We left Ella for a 
weekend when she was 6 months old.  It did wonders for our marriage.
I know it sounds so cliche, but really being honest is the key.  Even if 
you look at your spouse and say "I need to vent to you and about you for 
the next 15 minutes" just giving that person the heads up can help. 

Since Ella's passing, we've had to work harder on our marriage.  Since we 
had a baby boy 7 months after she died, it was a very strange and 
difficult time for us.  But I think we are coming out of the fog and are 
working our way back.  Therapy helps - we got a great psychologist!

Anyway, I know every relationship is different, but that's my story!



Michelle Wilson <mewildflower1@xxxxxxxxx> 
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05/28/2008 04:20 PM 
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[tri-med] Love and marriage and disabled kids!






I was reading Jocelyn's beautiful email about her granddaughter Tess and 
strangely enough read this line just as I was thinking about my own 
marriage:

<<No it is not an easy road (the divorce rate is 75% in 
families with a disabled child I believe). >>


Would anyone be willing to share any stories about their own marriages 
with me?  One or off list is fine.  If you are still married, what made 
you stay?  If you are divorced, what made you leave?  Are you happy with 
these choices? I have to say that Faren has brought out the worst in Rick 
and myself many, many times and when you don't have many 
babsitters(practically zilch) and don't spend time together alone you tend 
to only see this side of a person.  That makes it hard to have an actual 
relationship together.  I will admit I've been idling at a crossroads for 
a very, very long time.  I want to make well informed choices in my life. 
It's hard to find the right path to take when so many other lives(spouse, 
kids,my own) are at stake.  This must be where the whole " Can't live with 
'em.  Can't shoot em"  saying comes in..ha ha.

Michelle Wilson, mom to Faren


 
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line





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