[tri-med] Re: Love and marriage and disabled kids!

OK, I'll share.  My husband and I have been married for almost ten years now 
(that seems like a REALLY long time).  Our first talk of divorce came before 
Cayden was born.  My husband actually left and went to Arizona with his mom.  
We got back together and got pregnant with Cayden.  After Cayden passed away, 
we seemed to get along pretty well and actually wanted more kids.  I guess it 
kind of brought us closer together.  When we got pregnant with Candace and 
found out about her genetics, I told him I needed his help and I can't do this 
by myself.  Well, it seems to have pretty much have gone downhill from there.  
We have talked divorce since Candace.  I tell him the same things over and over 
- you don't appreciate what I do, yes I stay at home but I go to school online 
full-time and take Candace to her appointments which includes three speech 
appointments a week and one PT a week, all outside the home, One OT a week 
inside the home plus Headstart comes in once a week, speech from AEA comes in 
twice a month, transition school is going from twice a week to once a week, OT 
from AEA once every two weeks in home, etc.  He likes to hold money over my 
head.  He's the one who brings the money home.  Could I financially afford 
living without him?  No.  I couldn't make the car or house payments.  He's very 
disrespectful to me and our kids.  I use my respite time to do schoolwork and 
that is my time off from watching the kids.  Since I don't work I don't really 
need a break.  He tries to explain things about Candace and gets them 
completely wrong and gets mad when I correct him.  I tell him if he's going to 
tell someone something about Candace at least make sure it's right.  He can't 
tell you much about her health issues and really doesn't think she needs any 
therapy.  I could go on and on.  So, chances are good that we will make that 
75% rate sooner or later.
 
Kim Ihlenfeldt, wife to Kerry (complex balanced translocation between the 9, 
15, and 18 chromosomes), mom to Cameron, 9 (same chromosomes as Kerry), Cayden 
T18 (12-16-02 to 01-16-03), and Candace, 2 (Partial Trisomy 18 and Partial 
Trisomy 15)


> Date: Wed, 28 May 2008 14:20:36 -0700> From: mewildflower1@xxxxxxxxx> 
> Subject: [tri-med] Love and marriage and disabled kids!> To: 
> tri-med@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> > I was reading Jocelyn's beautiful email about her 
> granddaughter Tess and strangely enough read this line just as I was thinking 
> about my own marriage:> > <<No it is not an easy road (the divorce rate is 
> 75% in > families with a disabled child I believe). >>> > > Would anyone be 
> willing to share any stories about their own marriages with me? One or off 
> list is fine. If you are still married, what made you stay? If you are 
> divorced, what made you leave? Are you happy with these choices? I have to 
> say that Faren has brought out the worst in Rick and myself many, many times 
> and when you don't have many babsitters(practically zilch) and don't spend 
> time together alone you tend to only see this side of a person. That makes it 
> hard to have an actual relationship together. I will admit I've been idling 
> at a crossroads for a very, very long time. I want to make well informed 
> choices in my life. It's hard to find the right path to take when so many 
> other lives(spouse, kids,my own) are at stake. This must be where the whole " 
> Can't live with 'em. Can't shoot em" saying comes in..ha ha.> > Michelle 
> Wilson, mom to Faren> > > > Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows> 
> www.trisomyonline.org> Families Helping Families On-line> 
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