[tri-med] Jessica's Story -very long

Jessica's story

Please forgive me for this being so long.  I just can't bear to leave a single 
detail out.

Where do I start. I guess we'll start with Thursday, May 2, 2002.  Mike and I 
went for our regularly scheduled doctor visit followed by the weekly nonstress 
test.  We had also decided to have more fluid drained and at the same time they 
could do a second test on Jessica's lungs.   The prior week when I had a 
reduction in the fluid, I felt so great.  This visit was not the same.  I 
developed a cramp that made me decide that Jessica could just stay put and I 
would stay pregnant forever.  Not a contraction but a solid on going cramp that 
took two shots and two pills to cure.  Anyway, the test for her lungs was 
completed.  Not good, normal development should be 30,000, the prior week 
Jessica's lungs tested at 2,000 and now they were at 1,000.  The only guess the 
doctor had was that the diaphragmatic hernia was getting worse and thus 
compressing her lungs.  We had to make a decision, either we could continue 
with the pregnancy (38 weeks) or induce with a better chance of seeing her 
alive.  Didn't really seem like a decision.  The induction was scheduled for 
Saturday morning.  We were to go to the hospital Friday night to take a pill 
that would soften the cervix and potentially get things started and then return 
Saturday morning.

The plan was going to work well, because Mike's parents needed to come from 
Wausau, Wisconsin (about 5 1/2 hours away) and my parents had just gotten here 
that week from Florida.  We made arrangements with the kids' Dad (his weekend) 
and my sister(and savior) had all the instructions.  Our Pastor was notified.  
Everyone that would share Jessica's life was ready to go. Dr. Good was on call 
all weekend (major jackpot!!!) God was answering some of our prayers.  

Friday night we went to the hospital.  I was still only dialated to 1cm so they 
gave me the pill.  Contractions started again, although not painful they were 
finally consistent.  I had been having them for about 4 weeks, but never on a 
regular timetable.  We went to bed anxious for Saturday to get here.

We arrived at the hospital at 7am Saturday morning.  We had told both sets of 
parents there was no need to be there before 10am and it would be a long day.  
Pastor Bob had one of two funerals that day at 10:00 am but would try to be 
there by 11 and my sis was to bring the kids around 11.  The pitocin was hooked 
up around 9:00am.  Jessica was still very high and we were once again told it 
would be a very long labor.  The doctor (did I mention Dr. GOOD) checked in on 
me at about 10:30.  As we were talking, I felt a warm gush.  He had just told 
me that they would not break my water until I got to a 4 or so.  Ha Ha I beat 
you to it!  Well, not exactly.  I was afraid to say anything because I thought 
maybe I had just had an accident.  When he left I told the nurse I thought 
maybe my water broke.  I really wasn't sure, because I was expecting a major 
flooding and it wasn't like that at all.  She picked up the sheets and 
immediately ran down the hall for the Dr.  He came in and checked me, sat down 
with a grave look on his face and said that it was over I would need an 
emergency c-section - I was bleeding (panic, fear - I had hemorrhaged after my 
other two and nearly died both times - had lost 8 pints  with the first and 5 
with the second).  Apparently, the placenta hadn't moved as far up as they had 
thought it had, thus I had placenta previa which is totally different from my 
other bleeding problems.  I had no problems with having a c-section in fact I 
was convinced that Jessica's chances were much better that way.  

The next 40 minutes were a blur.  They prepped me, sent Mike to get suited up 
and shifted me to surgery.  I made Mike tell the family I was having a "c", but 
not why.  My family would have freaked if they knew anything about the bleeding.
The kids got there just after they sent me to surgery.  Jessica was born at 
11:24am.  I remember the Dr. saying that he was delivering her and then waiting 
for the cry - Mike said I kept repeating - "she's not crying, she's not 
crying!"  We never did hear her cry.  Then I saw his eyes twinkle (a look I 
will never forget)- he could see her feet kicking.  They tried to bag her but 
just couldn't get her to take off on her own completely so they gave her to us. 
 When they handed her to us she had bubbles coming out of her nose - I'll never 
forget that either - she could breathe and she was making funny faces.  She was 
the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  We knew her time was limited and we 
just wanted to spend it with her.  Then came the point that they had to take 
her away.  I sent Mike with her - I know he was torn but I thought someone who 
loved her should be with her.  It was very difficult because I didn't know if I 
would see her alive again or not.  The next thing I remember they wheeled me 
into my room.  As I passed Jessica's Dr. I asked if she was still alive and he 
nodded yes - God was there! In the room, she was being passed around from 
Nicole, to Mike, to Jake, to Mike, to me, to Mike to Grandma etc.  Just then 
Pastor Bob came in, we had her baptized.  The Grandparents and my sister 
decided that we needed some time alone and we shared some special moments as a 
family of 5.  We don't know exactly when God came to take her, she was so 
peaceful.  The nurses were so good about leaving her with us they guessed on 
the time.   We sent her with them so that they could clean her up and dress her 
in the outfit the kids wanted her in. Jake asked me when she was going to open 
her eyes.  I lost it then.   At that time, with Pastor Bob there, we told them 
that Jessica was not with us anymore.  They were devastated.  I think they 
thought that since she was alive she would stay with us.  We have precious 
photos that show more than words can say.  It looks like pictures from "The 
Saturday Evening Post".  Jake took it the hardest, and Nicole was such a big 
sister - I was so proud of her.  Jake needed to get out of there so he took off 
with Nicole and Bob behind.  The family hadn't been told yet so Jake and Nicole 
were going outside to get some air.  My sister was returning from the gift shop 
and caught up with them while Bob went to tell the family.  Mike and I spent 
some quiet time with Jessica.  The time of death was recorded as 1:00pm.  
Jessica stayed with us until about 5:00pm.  Before this experience I could 
never understand how people could be around a body like that - it was so 
unbelievable, we could not let her go.  Mike and I decided that it was not good 
to let the kids see her changing.  It was the hardest thing we ever had to do, 
so after the grandparents and kids said good bye they left for supper.  Mike 
and I had our final good bye.

All our prayers had been answered that day.  We spent some time with Jessica 
before she was called to be an angel.  She did not suffer.  The family - mainly 
the kids - got to hold her while she was here.  Our parents made it from their 
different parts of the country, my sister (best friend) was there.  God allowed 
her to be baptized, the pastor was there and we had Dr. Good!!!.  We were all 
at peace  and I came out ok.

I can't say enough about the nurses and my Doctor.  I was released from the 
hospital on Tuesday.  It was so difficult going out to the world with empty 
arms.  I felt so protected in the hospital - and we even chose to stay on the 
OB floor. 

On Thursday we had a visitation for family and friends and then the funeral was 
private (family only-about 40) on Friday.  When we got home on Tuesday we 
framed her birth certifcate and a poem that I found shortly after we received 
her DX.  I'll print it at the bottom of this email.  These were placed on each 
side of her casket.  On Wednesday we went to the funeral home to see how she 
looked and I got to hold her for the first time sitting up.  I was terrified at 
first, but I am so glad the funeral director talked me into it.  I got to 
cradle my baby.  Because of the c-section I was not aloud to do this in the 
hospital.  A few weeks ago, Mike and I went out to see the different cemeteries 
and found out that there was a space right by my brother open.  He was buried 
in 1954.  Apparently, the baby that had been in that spot had been moved not to 
long ago.  God works in mysterious ways.  I truely feel he opened up that spot 
so Kenny(my brother) could take care of Jessica.  I've always been close to 
him, because we shared the same birthday - I was born 9 years after him.  Every 
year I try to go on our birthday and put flowers on his grave.  Now I asked him 
to take care of my little girl.  I know he will.  When we were at her grave, I 
saw him holding her in his arms.  I once again felt peace as I left the 
cemetery.

Thanks for allowing me to share our story.  Our memories are so wonderful of 
this beautiful baby, I would not change a minute of it.  Our prayers have been 
answered and I now have a renewed faith in God because of this precious little 
angel.  

Dance Jessica, Dance

Mike and Deanna Warpehoski--
Nicole 13, Jake 10, and  Jessica 5/4/02 (our precious angel -t18)

As soon as I figure out how to do a web page I will post pictures.
How can I be a mother??

I thought of you and closed my eyes. And prayed to God today. 
I asked what makes a mother and I know I heard him say, 
A mother has a baby. This we know is true. 
But God, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you? 


Yes, you can, He replied with confidence in His voice. 
I give many women babies. When they leave is not their choice. 
Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day. 
And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay. 


I just don't understand this. God, I want my baby here. 
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear. 
I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. 
If you could see your child smile with other children and say, 


"We go to earth to learn our lessons of life and love and fear. 
My Mommy loved me, Oh so much, I got to come straight here. 
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who had so much love for me, 
I learned my lesson very quickly. My Mommy set me free. 


I miss my Mommy, Oh so much, but I visit her each day. 
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay. 
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, 
'Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here.'" 


So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are okay. 
Your babies are here in MY home and this is where they'll stay. 
They'll wait for you with ME until your lesson is through. 
And on the day that you come home, they'll be at the gates for you. 


So now you see what makes a Mother--It's the feeling in your heart. 
It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start. 
Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother, until their time is 
done. 
They'll be up here with ME one day, and know you're the best one. 
Author Unknown 




                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
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