[tri-med] Fw: [tri-family] With shock and great sorrow....

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-----Original Message-----
From: dak.admin@xxxxxxxxxx

Date: Fri, 30 Jan 2009 09:22:30 
To: Tri-Family<tri-family@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: Re: [tri-family] With shock and great sorrow....


(((((Loren))))) I am so very sorry to hear this news.....I am so glad that you 
have so many people around you to give you comfort........

Much love

Kathy s



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-----Original Message-----
From: Loren Warnemuende <lorenwarn@xxxxxxxxx>

Date: Fri, 30 Jan 2009 03:34:40 
To: <tri-family@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Cc: <Tri-Med@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Subject: [tri-family] With shock and great sorrow....


Dear Friends,

I've been in deep lurk for a long time, not because things have been  
difficult, but because things have been VERY status quo, busy, and  
full of joy. Our three girls have been growing like weeds. The  
younger girls, Clare and Evvie (3 1/2 years and 22 months) have been  
keeping Kraig and me on our toes with everything they've been  
learning (and testing us with!). Keren (6 1/4 years, T18) has been  
growing so much physically and in every area. She's been thriving at  
school, and losing her baby teeth like mad (and getting some new  
ones). Driving us crazy with some silly self-stims like poking her  
eye or gouging her gums, but for the most part full of huge hugs and  
squeezes, accompanied by laughs, squeals and sloppy kisses. ...And  
we've been gearing up to announce to everyone our crazy, happy news  
that we're about 13 weeks into expecting number four!!!

And then Wednesday of this week, January 28, the unthinkable,  
unbelievable happened: We lost our Keren-girl....

She'd come down with one of her typical bug/colds Sunday--fever with  
some congestion. Her norm with a "bad" one is that she'll have the  
fever and cold for a few days, then it turns into sinusitis of an  
infection of that sort, she goes on antibiotics, end of story. I  
guess God had different plans this time. Her fever was manageable,  
but constant from Sunday on, but though the congestion seemed to  
clear up Monday Keren kind of slept non-stop Monday-on. That was a  
bit strange. I talked with the doctor's office Tuesday afternoon  
(third day in) and the nurse and I agreed that since the fever was  
controlled by meds, we'd just set up an appointment for Wednesday and  
bring her in if the fever hadn't broken. Wednesday morning I got  
Keren up from bed to get a bath and as I washed her, I noticed her  
breathing change--really labored and awful, almost obstructing, but  
she wouldn't cough anything up (very unusual for her....). I quickly  
got her back into bed with her cpap/sleep apnea machine, and that  
improved her color, but she was still just breathing through her  
mouth (had been doing that). Called the doc's office and they said,  
yes, bring her in now, but if anything changed to take her  
immediately to emergency. My sister was able to get over within ten  
minutes to watch the younger girls, so I packed Keren up, along with  
her cpap (we have a power inverter in the car) and took off.

Wednesday here was one of our snowy days--it was going like fury (of  
course). I quick called my OB's office to cancel what was to be my 12  
week appointment that morning, and canceled one other appt. Keren was  
to have. Throughout, I could hear Keren's labored breathing. We were  
less than a mile from home when I realized that I didn't here her any  
more. I got off the road, and got to her, and she was completely  
unresponsive. My brain was frozen--I could hardly think enough to  
figure out if she had a pulse, and I didn't want to take the time. I  
just laid her down on the floor, hoping she'd breathe better that  
way, turned the car toward our nearby urgent care and called 911.  
They had paramedics meet up with us before we got to urgent care.  
Amazingly swift. After a few minutes of working on her in the  
ambulance, they told me which hospital they were taking her to. I had  
the choice of going with her or driving myself, and I chose to drive.  
Isn't it strange. It's one of those choices that I think is probably  
vastly different for each of us. I think I knew I'd be in the way in  
ambulance, that I needed space to think, pray, call Kraig, etc. I  
wonder now if it was mostly because that strange, unresponsive little  
girl they had taken from my car was NOT my Keren. I think my Keren  
was already gone...

As I drove to the hospital (don't worry, I was a good girl and didn't  
try to keep up with the ambulance....), I kept praying, "Lord, please  
don't let this be it," but at the same time I had an unshakeable  
peace that if this WAS it, God was with us and Keren, and had us in  
His hand. When I got to the hospital, the doctor and nurses were with  
me in minutes. They explained that they had been administering CPR,  
meds, and ventilator on Keren for a full hour by that point (can an  
hour be so fast?), and she had not responded once. The diagnosis was  
a respiratory arrest, that went into cardiac arrest. I was basically  
faced with the words, "Within minutes we need to stop. There's  
nothing more we can do...." Tried to process it all--even asked point- 
blank if any of this would be different if she wasn't trisomy. They  
hadn't even had her medical history as they worked on her. I called  
Kraig and he was already on the road from work, and my brother-in-law  
was there right as they took me to Keren. My bro-in-law has done EMS  
work, and got to talk to the EMS workers right there, confirming for  
us that they had done all they could.

So that's it. I got to weep on my girl. Kraig arrived, then more  
family and close friends, pastor from church, were all there with  
their arms around us. It's been like that since. We came home to more  
food already than we could imagine at the house, with my sister and  
close family friends doing laundry and running herd on our little  
girls. Two of Kraig's three siblings are right here in town, and were  
over most of the day. Amazingly, Kraig's dad is here this week from  
his work overseas, and my youngest sister is home from grad school  
out east. My other sis and her husband were supposed to be in  
Maryland by now for a new job, but the process has been slower than  
expected, so they're still here. My parents had just left on vacation  
Sunday, and flew back immediately, and Kraig's mom is flying in from  
overseas. His other brother and family arrive in the morning. Our  
church, within hours, had set-up a meals and child-care coordinator,  
and the love has been overflowing. The hardest phone call that I  
wanted to make myself was to Keren's teacher to let them know.... Oh,  
that was awful. I think that's one of the hardest things--letting all  
those who have known and loved Keren know that she's gone....

I'm in process mode, or something like that at the moment. I'm  
finding I want to just keep moving and planning, and talking the  
whole thing through. I'm letting the emotions come when they come,  
and avoiding the "what if" game with a vengeance.... Keren's  
pediatrician called us Wednesday night, and it was so reassuring to  
talk it through with him and here him say we had done everything that  
could have been done, and what would we have done differently? I  
slept horribly Wednesday night--not surprising. I was doing much  
better tonight, but Ev was crying since she crawled our of her  
covers, and after I tucked her in, my brain wouldn't shut off. I've  
been wanting to write all this down, and now seemed ideal.... Kraig's  
hanging in there. Keren was so much her girl--he's been wrapped  
around her finger since she first grasped his in the NICU six years  
ago.... The little girls are coping in their ways. Evelyn isn't too  
phased, but the first night she kept pointing at Keren's bed going  
"Sissy! Sissy!" Finally I put her on the bed, and she immediately  
grabbed Keren's pillow and crawled under the sheets. That's where she  
wanted to sleep. Clare has been going through the round of emotions.  
I can't imagine how hard it must be for a 3 1/2 year old to process  
this. Keren has always been in her life.... On the one hand, Clare is  
thrilled that Keren can now walk, and talk, and have her new house  
with Jesus (a concept that we've built on a lot since we moved into  
our new house a year ago. It connected with a Bible story we read  
about Jesus making a new home for us in heaven, and when it's ready,  
he calls us there. That's made a lot of sense to Clare, though she  
often has said, "But I don't want to die! I like THIS house." Can't  
argue with that logic!). On the other hand, she hits those awful  
moments where she breaks down and wants to know when Sissy will be  
home, and says, "But I want TWO sisters!" Oh, I couldn't agree more....

Phew, sorry, this is a long one.

We've got the service arranged for Sunday afternoon. You can actually  
see Keren and the service info at rggharris.com (go to "Keren  
Warnemuende").

I will REALLY try to keep you posted.

This list has been such a help and comfort to us from day one. I'm  
sorry I haven't been able to be more active on it in recent years....  
Thank you in advance for all your thoughts and prayers....

Love,
Loren, wife to Kraig, mom to Keren Elyse (T18, 9/27/02~1/28/09),  
Clarissa Joanne (7/17/05), Evelyn Ruth (4/26/07) and baby due (EDD  
8/6/09).






                  Building___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line
                  Building ___ooOOoo__ Rainbows
                       www.trisomyonline.org
                  Families Helping Families On-line

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