[tri-med] Re: A Mom's view - T-13 - another perspective

In a message dated 11/03/2008 9:04:21 AM, stamtorch@xxxxxxx writes:

<< Those children are there because of a corrupt system that would rather 
reunify abused children with their crack head mother than find a stable 
family.? 
The system gets more money for a foster child than an adopted child. Those 
children are their because of prejudice, not on the adopted parents but on the 
social worker's side.? I was told I could not take twin boys because I was not 
spanish.? Instead those poor boys, only two years old,?were shipped off to a 
single woman in her 40's just because she was spanish.? Gee, she couldn't 
handle 
the twins (gee,who knew twin 2 year old boys might be active) so she sent 
them back.? Now they go to a third placement (foster home, adopted home, new 
foster home)at the little age of 2, after just losing both parents.? Again,?we 
offer to take them and again?we are rejected because?we?are not hispanic!? 
Yeah, 
better to pass those little ones around from foster home to foster home until 
they can find a hispanic family willing than place them wi
 th a family ready and able now.? Good luck because after years of being 
passed around those sweet young boys will be tainted and difficult. >>

I have four adopted children that all started out as foster children. I also 
have a foster daughter who we raised through her teen years, but since she had 
a warm and loving connection with her bio mom, we did not adopt her. But her 
mom passed away 20 years ago and I am grandma and great grandma to her kids, 
who are the same age as my youngest kids. The two oldest of our adopted 
children came through a private agency and ended becoming available for 
adoption with 
in the first few months we had them. I don't think it would be possible today 
to proceed that fast. It was 30 years ago. By the time we got Ali and Dom, 
the wait between making the decision to release a child for adoption or return 
then to bio parents had gone to at least 12-18 months. And then the home study 
started, another year of limbo and then six or more months before finally 
going to court and finalizing things. We continued to do foster care for 
children 
who were short term placements until one day I just decided that I could not 
longer be a party to the abuse the system was putting on these kids after they 
had been pulled from their homes homes because of abuse. Ten years after I was 
no longer doing foster care and had requested my license pulled, I got a call 
from a desperate social worker looking for a placement for a child with CP 
that no one would take. (My husband and I were taking mostly special needs kids 
before they were even called that). The temptation was great, but thank 
goodness, common sense and love of my  job prevailed. But I will always wonder 
what 
happened to that child. Foster care is a mess, but I think it is because they 
are impacted by so many children with such severe issues due to their bio 
parents having severe problems themselves. And social workers have outrageous 
case 
loads and there is no human way they can supervise and meet the needs of all 
of the children they are responsible for. I don't know about now, but 20 years 
ago the rules would change like the weather. first they had a program called 
fost-adopt. They would make an assessment at intake on the chances of the 
child reuniting with family and if they were low, they would be place the child 
in 
a home that had already had a home study so that if the child was released 
for adoption, he/she was already in their forever home. But then there were 
lawsuits and even if parents were willing to take the chance that they child 
would 
end up leaving, the state was not. So that program bit the dust and last I 
heard, kids still languish for years waiting for bios to finish drug programs 
or 
some magic knight in shining armour to come and rescue them. And yes, the 
skin tone had better match the child's. And the people making the rules have no 
clue to what is actually happening on the front lines. It is all about law 
suits and money.

Nan-mom to Dom, 25, tri 18 mosaic and bipolar; and Ali, 25, autism, TS, ADHD
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