* Welcome back to another year of Big Jewelness! We hope you all had a great holiday. We welcome newcomer Ed Page to the scene today who gives us an ornithological bit worthy of Audobon himself. If you like this article, be sure to check out another piece by Ed here: http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2002/12/18pete.html Page's Guide To Birds By Ed Page HUMMINGBIRD: The name "hummingbird" is something of a misnomer since a hummingbird doesn't actually hum. However, this bird is by no means anti- music. The hummingbird is a big fan of karaoke and, when listening to a favorite song on the radio, is not above tapping its foot. BARN SWALLOW: The barn swallow got its name from its ability to swallow an entire barn in one gulp. Considered a serious nuisance in farming communities. PENGUIN: Penguins are awkward on land and cannot fly, but they are extremely graceful swimmers. Penguin experts often say that what penguins do underwater is not swimming, it's "underwater flying." They call the actual flying that most birds do "airborne swimming." Penguin experts are eccentric in many other ways and have few friends. For the full article please visit: http://www.thebigjewel.com/pagesguidetobirds/ --- To subscribe/unsubscribe to The Big Jewel's Hilarious Weekly Email please mail us your request in a #7 manilla envelope, sealed with the spit of an African elephant.