* Due to an error with this mailing list, we may have sent this message out twice today. Sorry for any inconvenience. Happy Canada Day and/or Independence Day. Due to an error with this mailing list, we may have sent this message out twice today. Sorry for any inconvenience. Happy Canada Day and/or Independence Day. -- I, Writer By David Jaggard The Big Jewel has received an advance copy of an essay on creative writing to be published as the introduction to the next book by a major bestselling author. For legal reasons we can't identify him by name, but suffice it to say that he writes the kind of glitzy doorstop-sized novels that you see in every airport and second-hand shop in the country. Also, when NASA announced that the Hubble Space Telescope had located the exact center of the known universe, he was very surprised and disappointed to find out that it wasn't his house. ****************************************************** You can bring the prisoner down now. Tom Swift Now that I'm an internationally renowned writer, it's surprising that no one ever comes up to me and says, "How I envy you. How I wish I could be a writer too." But I know so many of you would say that, if only you had the chance, so I am writing this article to set the record straight once and for all: you can't be a writer. You can't be a writer because you can't write. You don't believe me? Well, try it: ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ You see? Pretty pathetic. Now watch this: Lucinda's nostrils flared ever so slightly as Derek handed her an icy glass filled to the brim with vintage champagne. Small beads of perspiration formed on her tanned forehead, kind of reflecting the beads of condensation forming on the glass, in a way. If you see what I mean. So then Derek leans forward meaningfully and says, even more meaningfully, "I want to run my fingers through your hair. I long to kiss your luscious lips. I yearn to embrace your delicate neck. I've got a hankering to drop to my knees and rip open your dress and. . ." I could go on, but let's stop there. Now I'm not trying to be arrogant (in fact, I'm exerting no effort at all) but if I wanted to, in about three or four days of intense, frenzied, all-consumingly obsessive work I could expand that little gem of an idea into a 900-page blockbuster epic saga packed with life, love, romance and power, full of undeniable lust, unimaginable wealth, seismic sex and Pi to 7,000 decimal places. Hardback sales would top eight figures. The movie rights alone would put me and all the future generations of my extended family on Easy Street for good. But hey, I don't feel like it right now. I've got ideas like that to burn. Also, I'm supposed to be telling you what it takes to be a writer. So here goes: For the full article please visit http://www.thebigjewel.com/writer -- Subscribe/Unsubscribe: To subscribe (We'd love to have you) or unsubscribe (It's so sad to see you go) to this mailing list please visit //www.freelists.org/cgi-bin/list?list_id=thebigjewel