The Lesser Song of Songs, Which Is Sheba's (With Apologies To King James) By Kurt Luchs 1 Let him not kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy tongue is as a lizard's tail, which pulled off doth regrow tenfold. Nor yet with the kisses of his nose, for thy nose runneth over. Nor yet with the kisses of his ears: for thou art truly weird to ponder such a thing. Thine ointments cleave to me, and their savour doth repell insects and anything that breathes; yea, even the Shittites avoid me, and I cannot get a table at the palace cafeteria. I have compared thee, O my love, to a herd of mountain goats leaping from a cliff: the sound of their skulls when they land is sweet and comely. Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant, nay, bland as a potato baked in polyunsaturated fats: also thy concubines are tax-deductible. A bundle of old clothes for Amvets is my beloved unto me; he shall lie all night bewtixt my breasts, not knowing what to do with them. Please visit http://www.thebigjewel.com/songofsongs/ for the entire article --- To subscribe/unsubscribe please let out a piercing shriek.