[tcb] Re: oil change
- From: Brian Denning <i_am_cool_fred@xxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <tcb@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:45:40 -0500
Man, i have to jack up my bus, put down a jack stand, reposition jack, jack up
some more. then start the oil change or valve adjustment. and i'm going lower
this winter :D> From: cwnation@xxxxxxxxx> To: tcb@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> Subject: [tcb]
Re: oil change> Date: Fri, 31 Oct 2008 13:30:17 -0500> > The great thing with
busses, they don't need to me jacked up for > oilchange. I do do the thing
with the screw driver. I get filter > wrench to stick right. I would never
take my bus to jiffy.> > Sent from my iPhone> > On Oct 31, 2008, at 9:59 AM,
mechmark@xxxxxxxxxxx wrote:> >>>>>> THE GREAT OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS>>>> FOR
WOMEN>> 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since >>
the last>> oil change.>> 2) Drink a cup of coffee.>> 3) 15 minutes later write
a check and leave with a properly maintained>> vehicle.>>>> MONEY SPENT>> Oil
Change $20.00>> Coffee $1.00>> TOTAL $21.00>>>> FOR MEN>> 1) Wait until
Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of >> oil,>> filter, kitty
litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check >> for>> $50.00>> 2)
Buy case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.>> 3) Open a beer and
drink it.>> 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.>> 5) Find
jack stands under kid's pedal car.>> 6) In frustration, open another beer and
drink it.>> 7) Place drain pan under engine.>> 8) Look for 9/16 box end
wrench.>> 9) Give up and use crescent wrench.>> 1 0) Uns crew drain plug.>> 11)
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in the>> process.>>
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. >> Throw>>
kitty litter on spilled oil.>> 13) Have another beer while watching oil
drain.>> 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.>> 15) Give up;
crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil >> filter>> and>> twist
off.>> 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil>>
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in >> trash>>
can>> to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.>> 17) Buddy shows up;
finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil>> change tomorrow so you can
go see his new garage door opener.>> 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta
finish the oil change." >> Drag pan>> full of old oil out from underneath car.
Cleverly dump oil in hole in>> backyard instead of taking it to be recycle!>>
19) Throw kitty litte r on oil spilled during step 18.>> 20) Beer? No, drank it
all yesterday.>> 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.>> 22) Install new oil filter
making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to>> gasket>> surface.>> 23) Dump first
quart of fresh oil into engine.>> 24) Remember drain plug from step 11.>> 25)
Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.>> 26) Remember that the used oil is
buried in a hole in the back yard >> along>> with drain plug.>> 27) Drink
beer.>> 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily
>> dirt>> into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch
>> of>> ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in >>
lawnmower gas.>> 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the
floor. >> Throw kitty>> litter on oil spill.>> 30) Drink beer.>> 31) Crawl
under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with >> oily rag>> used to
clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench >> tightening drain>> plu g
and bang knuckles on frame.>> 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step
31.>> 33) Begin cussing fit.>> 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.>> 35) Cuss for
additional 10 minutes>> 36) Beer.>> 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage
as required to stop >> blood flow.>> 38) Beer.>> 39) Beer.>> 40) Dump in five
fresh quarts of oil.>> 41) Beer.>> 42) Lower car from jack stands.>> 43)
Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.>> 44) Move car back to
apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled >> during>> steps 23 - 43.>> 45)
Beer>> 46) Test drive car.>> 47) Get pulled over & arrested for driving under
the influence.>> 48) Car gets impounded.>> 49) Call loving wife, make bail.>>
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.>>>> MONEY SPENT>> Parts $50.00>>
DUI $2500.00>> Impound fee $75.00>> Bail $1500.00>> Beer $40.00>>>> TOTAL --
$4165.00>> BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT!!!>>>
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