[tcb] Re: Friday!

GENIUS!  Sheer genius!

--- j duncan <whocanduncan@xxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Be safe this holiday weekend!
> 
> "Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame.
> Then I 
> look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all
> of 
> their hopes and dreams . If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
> of 
> work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is 
> better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be
> selfish 
> and worry about my liver."
> ~ Jack Handy
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
> hell
> happened to your bra and panties.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
> morning, 
> that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
> ~Frank Sinatra
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
> 
> tougher,
> smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
> ~ Henny Youngman
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are 
> laughing WITH you.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?   I think not."
> ~ Stephen Wright
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
> 
> fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
> So, 
> let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
> ~ Brian O'Rourke
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
> ~ Benjamin Franklin
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a 
> retard.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> "Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
> beer. 
> Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel
> does 
> not go nearly as well with pizza."
> ~ Dave Barry
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
> over 
> and over again that you love them.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
> ~ Dave Howell
> 
> WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
> 
> converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
> 
> One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory
> to 
> his buddy Norm.
> Here's how it went:
> 
> "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
> 
> fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
> slowest 
> and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
> selection is 
> good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of
> the 
> whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest
> members. 
> In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the 
> slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
> brain 
> cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells
> first. 
> In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain
> cells, 
> making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you
> always 
> feel smarter after a few beers."
> 
> _________________________________________________________________
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> 
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> 
> 
> 


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