[SI-LIST] Re: Answering Protocol

In my experience, there are three reasons that people have
sent me off-line replies to mailing list postings:

   1. They made a simple error with their mailer and
      intended it to go the list.

   2. They did not think that the reply would be of interest
      or use to most list members.

   3. They did not want the message to be seen by the rest
      of the list.

Clearly, in case (1), you'd be doing John a favor by
forwarding it to the list, while in case (3), forwarding the
message to the list would be a good way to make sure that
you never, ever, get any more help from John. In case (2),
John probably doesn't much care one way or the other and
would be willing to take your word for it if you disagreed
with his assessment of the value of his post.

Really, IMHO, the *only* way to resolve this with any
courtesy is to reply directly to John, saying something
along the lines of "I think that you raise some good points
here and I wish that they could be discussed further on the
list. Would you be willing either to resend your reply to
the list or allow me post to the list my reply to your
message -- which includes the original text of your
message?" Also, and this is important, you need to be ready
to leave it alone if they ask you not to post their
comments.

I've been through this a few times and have found people to
be grateful for the courtesy. I've also found that I'm
really bad at predicting which of the above three categories
applies to a particular off-list message, which reinforces
my view that the question can only be resolved by asking. In
one case, the message in question was quite critical of a
message that I'd posted, and the person's very rational and
well-stated arguments changed my mind on the subject. This
was for me a hard thing to not post back to the list, but
the person didn't want me to.  In the end, he was happy to
have me include some of his comments as long as I didn't
identify where they came from. Each case is different, so
I don't think that there is a single answer, except "ask".

--Bob

On Tue, Dec 11, 2001 at 12:13:12PM -0800, Sainath Nimmagadda wrote:
> 
> Here is a situation. Suppose I ask another list member, John Doe*, a
> question (by posting it on the list) assuming the answer would be of
> interest to some other members as well.  If I get the reply from John
> addressed only to me and there is need for further discussion, I am faced
> with this dilemma: Should I forward it to the list to continue discussion
> on-line?
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