[SeniorTech] Fwd: More of MAXINE
- From: GmoffettLtTouch@xxxxxxx
- To: SeniorTech@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Date: Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:38:31 EDT
I think I'm sending this....
Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ''Mabel,
do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?' Mabel answered,
'I have a suppository in my ear?' She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said, 'Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know
where to find my hearing aid.'
When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea.
No sooner were the papers delivered when a friend of the family phoned and
complained bitterly, 'You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not
gonorrhea.' Replied the widow, 'I nursed him night and day so of course I
he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to
remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was'
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.
At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out
they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket They hear a faint
moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive!
She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is
held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the
casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out,
'Watch that wall!'
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, 'I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee.'
I said, 'Well, then why are you crying?'
She said, 'He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and
then makes love to me for half the afternoon.
I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'
She said, 'For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite
dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.'
I said, 'Well, why i n the world would you be crying?'
She said, 'I can't remember where I live!'
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
'Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....
but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
Please tell me what your name is.' Her friend glared at her. For at least
three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway - the good fortune to
run into the ones I do and the eyesight to tell
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