[projectaon] Re: Editor's Companion Submission

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contact.portal@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx wrote:
| The following was sent from the Project Aon contact form
|    From: Keith Sheldon <Relenoir@xxxxxxxx>
|    Date: 02:57:58 on Thursday, July 29, 2004
|
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| (er) 16tlov 32: plateau which is -> plateau that is [KS: *or* plateau,
which is]

Disagreed. This is IMO one of those technical rules like not ending a
sentence with a preposition.

| (er) 16tlov 31: prey on which -> prey with which.

Both are acceptable, "on which to feed" is a rearrangement of the verb
"to feed on".

| (er) 16tlov 29: 'You will not escape this time,' shouts Cadak, as if
he has been reading your mind. 'Not while I am alive.' -> 'You will not
escape this time!' shouts Cadak, as if he has been reading your mind.
'Not while I am alive!' [KS: Since he's shouting, shouldn't this be
imperative?]

The exclamation mark isn't mandatory, and it actually strikes me as
redundant since we're told he's shouting anyway.

| (er) 16tlov 29: second strike an umbrella  -> second strike, an umbrella
| (er) 16tlov 21: open doorway and the -> open doorway, and the

Both work fine without commas, to my reading.

| (er) 16tlov 25: Rather than fight them you decide it better to escape
whilst you still can and so you take to your heels, pausing only to
snatch up the captain's satchel as you leave.  -> Rather than fight
them, you decide it better to escape whilst you still can; you take to
your heels, pausing only to snatch up the captain's satchel as you
leave. [KS: Reads like a run-on sentence, although it may be fine
grammatically.]

Reads well enough to me, though it could perhaps do with a comma after
"fight them".

| (er) 16tlov 23: your sixth sense,  -> your Sixth Sense, [KS: This
Discipline was always capitalized in the earlier books.]

If it were any other Discipline, I'd agree, and if it were anyone but a
Kai Lord, I'd disagree. As it is, it's hard to say. Unlike other
Disciplines, it works fine without a capital, and drawing attention to
it serves no purpose--Sixth Sense is assumed at this point, and so this
is just flavour text. As such, I think it works better without capitals.

| (er) 16tlov 21: city guard never patrol -> city guards never patrol

"City guard" can refer to a unit of guardsmen, as well as its members.

- --
Tim Pederick
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