[pr0k] Shat.

  • From: Andy Burrows <Andy.Burrows@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "'pr0k@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx'" <pr0k@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Tue, 3 Sep 2002 13:47:50 +0100

Jeff Wood... a hometown legend. No one ever knew just where he came from, or
how old he was, or what he was thinking. The interesting thing about him is
that most of the time he didn't even know where he came from, or how old he
was. Nor did he care! I was so honored that he would always come to see my
band play. Little did I know that he has less vision in both of his eyes
than most have in one. Here was this tough ass looking older guy at our
shows, covered with piercings with a bullet hole in the back of his head the
size of Texas, moshing his ass off in an empty youth center. It wasn't until
I really got to know Jeff that I realized just why he was at those shows.
Girls! Little girls looking for a way to rebel against what society thought
was proper. Wood is overwhelmingly intimidating as he rocks back and forth
and stares you down like a mad dog about to snap. Yet his inner workings are
simple and amiable, without a cruel intention in his head. Now one may
ponder, how could someone who writes songs like "I threw up on her cunt," or
lyrics like "it's about time you sucked on my penis now," be considered
gentle and kind? Well that's just how it is man. The guy just doesn't know
any better. He really doesn't. In his eyes all girls are mint (beautiful and
perfect that is). Fucking is the most beautiful thing in the world and one
should jumps leaps and bounds to do it as often as possible because that is
what makes the world go round. If anyone doesn't agree with this philosophy,
in his eyes then they just don't understand. Unfortunately, until recently
the world has not had the pleasure of getting to know and understand Jeff as
I have over the years. But now, using SHAT as a portal into the head of Jeff
Wood, everyone who experiences the critically acclaimed CUNT PARM, is "Being
Jeff Wood!" - Benjamin Weinman

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