-=PCTechTalk=- Re: Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE

Hi,

Just where is Kansas???

John Lehn <BG>
------------------------------------------------------

--- Joyce McClure <jmcclure@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:

> Well---This Kansan is monumentally offended!! :-) 
> Actually we like to be 
> ignored and do nothing to change the image!
> Joyce
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Lionel" <percy10@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> To: "PC-TechTalk" <pctechtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
> Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 8:47 AM
> Subject: -=PCTechTalk=- Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA
> INDEPENDENCE
> 
> 
> > Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 5:09 PM
> > Subject: Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE
> >
> > A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the
> > United States of America
> >
> >
> >
> > *
> > In light of your failure to elect a competent
> President of the USA
> > and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
> notice of the revocation
> > of your independence, effective immediately.*
> >
> > *
> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
> resume monarchical
> > duties over all states, commonwealths, and
> territories (excepting Kansas,
> > which she does not fancy).*
> >
> > *
> > Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint
> a governor for
> > America without the need for further elections.
> Congress and the Senate
> > will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
> circulated next year to 
> > determine
> > whether any of you noticed.*
> >
> > *
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown
> Dependency, the
> > following rules are introduced with immediate
> effect:*
> > *
> > 1 You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
> English
> > Dictionary.    Then look up aluminum, and check
> the pronunciation guide. *
> > *You will  be amazed at just how wrongly you have
> been pronouncing it.*
> >
> > *
> > 2 The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such
> as 'favour' and
> > 'neighbour'. Likewise, you will learn to spell
> 'doughnut' without
> > skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize"
> will be replaced
> > by the suffix "ise".*
> >
> > *
> > 3 Generally, you will be expected to raise your
> vocabulary to
> > acceptable levels, (look up vocabulary).*
> >
> > *
> > 4 Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed
> with filler
> > noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
> unacceptable and inefficient
> > form of communication.*
> >
> > *
> > 5 There is no such thing as US English. We will
> let Microsoft know
> > on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will
> be adjusted to take
> > account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
> elimination of "ize".*
> >
> > *
> > 6 You will relearn your original national anthem,
> God Save the
> > Queen.   July 4th will no longer be celebrated as
> a holiday.*
> >
> > *
> > 7 You will learn to resolve personal issues
> without using guns,
> > lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so
> many lawyers and
> > therapists shows that you're not adult enough to
> be independent.*
> >
> > *
> > 8 Guns should only be handled by adults If you're
> not adult
> > enough to sort things out without suing someone,
> or speaking to a 
> > therapist
> > then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.*
> >
> > *
> > 9 Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own
> or carry
> > anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A
> permit will be required
> > if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in
> public.*
> >
> > *
> > 10 All American cars are hereby banned. They are
> crap and this is
> > for your own good. When we show you German cars,
> you will understand
> > what we mean.*
> >
> > *
> > 11 All intersections will be replaced with
> roundabouts, and you
> > will start driving on the left with immediate
> effect.*
> >
> > *
> > 12 At the same time, you will go metric with
> immediate effect and
> > without the benefit of conversion tables. Both
> roundabouts and
> > metrication will help you understand the British
> sense of humour.*
> > *
> > 13 The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol
> (which you have
> > been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get
> used to it.*
> >
> > *
> > 14 You will learn to make real chips. Those things
> you call
> > French fries are not real chips, and those things
> you insist on calling
> > potato chips are properly called crisps. Real
> chips are thick
> > cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with
> catsup but with vinegar.*
> >
> > *
> > 15 The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling
> beer is not
> > actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper
> British Bitter will be
> > referred to as beer, and European brews of known
> and accepted provenance
> > will be referred to as Lager. American brands will
> be referred to as
> > Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
> without risk of further
> > confusion.*
> >
> > *
> > 16 Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
> English actors
> > as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to
> cast English actors
> > to play English characters. Watching Andie
> MacDowell attempt English
> > dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an
> experience akin to having
> > one's ears removed with a cheese grater.*
> > *
> > 17 You will cease playing American football. There
> is only one kind
> > of proper football; you call it soccer.Those of
> you brave enough will,
> > in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
> similarities to
> > American football, but does not involve stopping
> for a rest every twenty
> > seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a
> bunch of nancies).*
> >
> > *
> > 18 Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is
> not reasonable
> > to host an event called the World Series for a
> game which is not
> > played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you
> are aware that there is
> > world beyond your borders, your error is
> understandable.*
> >
> > *
> > 19 You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been
> driving us mad.*
> >
> 
=== message truncated ===

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