-=PCTechTalk=- Re: Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE

Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore... ;)

Christine
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joyce McClure" <jmcclure@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: <pctechtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Friday, August 25, 2006 1:41 PM
Subject: -=PCTechTalk=- Re: Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE


Good one, John!! And exactly the low profile we enjoy!
Joyce
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "John Lehn" <johnelehn2002@xxxxxxxxx>
To: <pctechtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 9:56 PM
Subject: -=PCTechTalk=- Re: Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE


> Hi,
> 
> Just where is Kansas???
> 
> John Lehn <BG>
> ------------------------------------------------------
> 
> --- Joyce McClure <jmcclure@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx> wrote:
> 
>> Well---This Kansan is monumentally offended!! :-) 
>> Actually we like to be 
>> ignored and do nothing to change the image!
>> Joyce
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Lionel" <percy10@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>> To: "PC-TechTalk" <pctechtalk@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>> Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 8:47 AM
>> Subject: -=PCTechTalk=- Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA
>> INDEPENDENCE
>> 
>> 
>> > Sent: Thursday, August 24, 2006 5:09 PM
>> > Subject: Fw: BRITISH REVOKE USA INDEPENDENCE
>> >
>> > A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the
>> > United States of America
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > *
>> > In light of your failure to elect a competent
>> President of the USA
>> > and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
>> notice of the revocation
>> > of your independence, effective immediately.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
>> resume monarchical
>> > duties over all states, commonwealths, and
>> territories (excepting Kansas,
>> > which she does not fancy).*
>> >
>> > *
>> > Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint
>> a governor for
>> > America without the need for further elections.
>> Congress and the Senate
>> > will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be
>> circulated next year to 
>> > determine
>> > whether any of you noticed.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown
>> Dependency, the
>> > following rules are introduced with immediate
>> effect:*
>> > *
>> > 1 You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford
>> English
>> > Dictionary.    Then look up aluminum, and check
>> the pronunciation guide. *
>> > *You will  be amazed at just how wrongly you have
>> been pronouncing it.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 2 The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such
>> as 'favour' and
>> > 'neighbour'. Likewise, you will learn to spell
>> 'doughnut' without
>> > skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize"
>> will be replaced
>> > by the suffix "ise".*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 3 Generally, you will be expected to raise your
>> vocabulary to
>> > acceptable levels, (look up vocabulary).*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 4 Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed
>> with filler
>> > noises such as "like" and "you know" is an
>> unacceptable and inefficient
>> > form of communication.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 5 There is no such thing as US English. We will
>> let Microsoft know
>> > on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will
>> be adjusted to take
>> > account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the
>> elimination of "ize".*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 6 You will relearn your original national anthem,
>> God Save the
>> > Queen.   July 4th will no longer be celebrated as
>> a holiday.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 7 You will learn to resolve personal issues
>> without using guns,
>> > lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so
>> many lawyers and
>> > therapists shows that you're not adult enough to
>> be independent.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 8 Guns should only be handled by adults If you're
>> not adult
>> > enough to sort things out without suing someone,
>> or speaking to a 
>> > therapist
>> > then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 9 Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own
>> or carry
>> > anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A
>> permit will be required
>> > if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in
>> public.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 10 All American cars are hereby banned. They are
>> crap and this is
>> > for your own good. When we show you German cars,
>> you will understand
>> > what we mean.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 11 All intersections will be replaced with
>> roundabouts, and you
>> > will start driving on the left with immediate
>> effect.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 12 At the same time, you will go metric with
>> immediate effect and
>> > without the benefit of conversion tables. Both
>> roundabouts and
>> > metrication will help you understand the British
>> sense of humour.*
>> > *
>> > 13 The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol
>> (which you have
>> > been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get
>> used to it.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 14 You will learn to make real chips. Those things
>> you call
>> > French fries are not real chips, and those things
>> you insist on calling
>> > potato chips are properly called crisps. Real
>> chips are thick
>> > cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with
>> catsup but with vinegar.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 15 The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling
>> beer is not
>> > actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper
>> British Bitter will be
>> > referred to as beer, and European brews of known
>> and accepted provenance
>> > will be referred to as Lager. American brands will
>> be referred to as
>> > Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
>> without risk of further
>> > confusion.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 16 Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast
>> English actors
>> > as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to
>> cast English actors
>> > to play English characters. Watching Andie
>> MacDowell attempt English
>> > dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an
>> experience akin to having
>> > one's ears removed with a cheese grater.*
>> > *
>> > 17 You will cease playing American football. There
>> is only one kind
>> > of proper football; you call it soccer.Those of
>> you brave enough will,
>> > in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some
>> similarities to
>> > American football, but does not involve stopping
>> for a rest every twenty
>> > seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a
>> bunch of nancies).*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 18 Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is
>> not reasonable
>> > to host an event called the World Series for a
>> game which is not
>> > played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you
>> are aware that there is
>> > world beyond your borders, your error is
>> understandable.*
>> >
>> > *
>> > 19 You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been
>> driving us mad.*
>> >
>> 
> === message truncated ===
> 
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