[oxfordgamers] Kvikk's Travelogue (long)

Howdy-

Tis the season for holiday travel. My in-laws do Xmas
in Florida for some reason I have not quite figured
out. Xmas in Perdido Key is pretty much like Xmas in
Ohio, only sandier and the seafood is a lot better.
But it's their gig and I'm just the son-in-law, so no
big deal.

She Who Books Flights (aka Lynn) handles the details
for these trips. This is nice, because all I have to
do is the grunt work (load the car, drive the car, bag
the luggage, lug the baggage, etc). So I do not
question Her when She says she finds the best deal
possible for air fare, even if it means leaving at
4:30 in the morning.

1. Columbus to Atlanta

So at a not-so-pleasant hour we headed for Port
Columbus. Apparently terrorists have more sense than
to keep those hours, so the TSA left us unmolested. I
honestly do not remember most of this leg of the trip
because my brain really does not function that early
in the morning unless something truly unique or truly
terrifying happens. Can ya' smell the foreshadowing
yet? Hmmm?

The flight to Atlanta is a pretty short hop; only
about an hour in the air (barring anything unique or
terrifying). Our flight ticked by rather quickly
because I was torturing my wife with the fact that she
could not guess what I got her for Xmas. As I deftly
dodged her attempts to poke me in the eye, I noticed
that we could not see Atlanta for the cloud cover.
Then, as we decended into a holding pattern I noticed
that we still could not see Atlanta due to fog. Then I
noticed that I could barely see the end of our plane's
wing due to fog. My, how... unique.

Did you know a 757 could do a barrel roll? Well,
perhaps it can't, but it sure as hell can feel like
that when the 757 you happen to be flying in rapidly
ascends and nearly kisses its own tail while breaking
out of a nice docile holding pattern.

What's that smell? Oh, the little girl across the
aisle from me didn't quite get to the barf bag in
time. Oh, shucks.

At that point, we found the whole experience...
unique. Our pilot was no longer playing Wing Commander
and the vomit was mostly cleaned up. Then we heared
the voice of our intrepid captain.

You know how the Captain tends to talk to the people
in the plane? Kind of laid back? Maybe a little light
humor? You know that Captain? The Captain that makes
you feel like everything is just darn-fukcing-tootin
okie dokie?

Well, he was not on this flight. Our Captain sounded
like he did not quite hit the barf bag either. In a
voice that one could describe as "shakey", he
expalined that we had to "break our holding pattern"
because "we were getting a little close to the plane
in front of us".

A little close? Isn't there, like, radar and stuff to
keep that form happening? Was he telling us that we
basically were on a collision course with the plane in
front of us? Was the barrel roll really necessary or
was that just for fun? I found this a little bit...
terrifying.

2. Atlanta to Pensacola

At any rate, we were on the ground in an extra 10
minutes, having served extra time in the holding
pattern for invading another plane's personal space.
This extra 10 minutes created a sprinting situation in
order to get us to our connecting flight to Florida.
Upon arriving at the gate we see a mass of humanity
that clearly will not fit onto one airplane, including
a high school cheerleading squad. 

Crying babies, cheerleaders, small dogs (no, I'm not
kidding) are all combined to form one compelling
thought: bump. Sure enough, the flight was overbooked.
We clawed our way to the ticket counter and graciously
volunteered to surrender our seats on the flight. We
trade the cheerleaders and crying babies and small
dogs for $800 dollars worth of vouchers and a later
flight to Florida. All we have to do is kill 4 hours
in the Atlanta airport. Cha-ching!

Kvikk's travel tip: build time into your travel plans
to take a bump. We earned 2 weeks of my wife's salary
in air fare just sitting and drinking coffee and
watching luggage getting dragged around the tarmac.

We sat and watched the workings of the grounds around
an airplane until we figured out what each of the
little vehicles was used for. We did this instead of
renting a DVD player from Blockbuster. You can rent a
DVD player and a movie from Blockbuster in Atlanta's
airport unless your wife threatens to kick your ass
for spending $15 right after making $800 in vouchers.
Ah, the feminine mystique.

So what's worse than nearly rear-ending another 757?
Well, lots of things. On the flight to Florida, we
learned that the dude in the seat in front of us had
been flying standby from LA becuase a traffic accident
caused him to miss the first leg of his flight. He had
already spent an additional $1000 just to make it to
Florida to see his family. The woman in the row behind
us had lost her husband that morning and was just
trying to get to her parents for some comfort. It was
kind of an emotional flight.

On the ground, our ride had not yet arrived. We
learned that LA dude's luggage was still in LA, but he
had a cute gurlfriend and she seemed to be taking his
mind off things. The recent widow was met by her mom
and dad and the family dog; 3 of the best things to
have in a crisis.

3. Pensacola to Perdido Key

We arrived in time to catch the last day of balmy
weather before a cold snap arrived. We shed our coats
and sweatshirts and rode with the windows down all the
way to the condo. Then we shucked off our shoes and
waded around in the Gulf for a bit. The Gulf of Mexico
is actually pretty chilly this time of year, but it
seemed a shame to go all that way and not touch the
water.

4. Xmas!

We had breakfast, opened presents, snacked, had lunch,
went for a walk, grazed, watched TV, snacked, had
dinner, and then I introduced my in-laws to "Kill Dr.
Lucky" (and you thought this post had nothing to do
with gaming!). I am proud to say that my mother-in-law
is quite the shrewed gamer. It took her a while to get
into the swing of things, but before long she had
lured Dr. Lucky into the sitting room and killed him
using a Tight Hat. Much fun was had by all.

5. ...And Back Again

It's getting late, so I'm going to put a wrap in this.
Despite our best efforts, we could not get bumped on
the way home. This was not so bad except that we
shared a plane with two french women on the leg to
Columbus. I have no problem with the French, except
that they, well, reek horribly. I don't think this is
an unfair thing to say. They stink. And when you have
to share a little tiny plane with them, they REALLY
stink. I have never been to France, but if the whole
country smells like that, I'll pass. Oy!

We are now home. The cat's litter box had gone
untended for 3 days. And yet did not possess the funk
of the French women. We are home safe and sound.
Tomorrow I pick up the dogs from the kennel and I
actually get a couple of days to rest before heading
back to the grind.

I hope you all had a great holiday; one as filled with
fun and stories as mine was.

Cheers!

Kvikk

=====
There are 10 kinds of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

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