[modeleng] Fw: Fw: One for the guys]

I thought youse blokes would like to learn the proper definitions of those 
tools around your shop
Jesse the Red NECK who lives in Tennessee USA



COMMON TOOLS DEFINED 


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal 
bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your 
beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilser which you 
had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. 


WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the 
workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned 
calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh shit..." 


ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until 
you die of old age. 


SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. 


PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of 
blood-blisters. 


BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up 
jobs into major refinishing jobs. 


HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. 
It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more 
you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. 


VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If 
nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding 
heat to the palm of your hand. 


WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of 
intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. 


OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects 
in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub 
out of which you want to remove a bearing race. 


TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood 
projectiles for testing wall integrity. 


HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you 
have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the 
bumper. 


EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of 
a trapped hydraulic jack handle. 


E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill 
bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use. 


BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good 
aluminium sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can 
after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. 


TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of 
everything you forgot to disconnect. 


CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has 
an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. 


AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. 


PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for 
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but 
can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. 


STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert 
common slotted screws into non-removable screws. 


PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you 
needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. 


HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. 


HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as 
a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object 
we are trying to hit. 


MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard 
cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such 
as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines , 
refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work 
clothes, but only while in use. 


DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while 
yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next 
tool that you will need. 

This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from 
http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
MODEL ENGINEERING DISCUSSION LIST.

To UNSUBSCRIBE from this list, send a blank email to, 
modeleng-request@xxxxxxxxxxxxx with the word "unsubscribe" in the subject line.

Other related posts: