I consider myself as much of a iconoclastic curmudgeon as Paul Stoneheart and I love nothing better than pissing people off by scoffing at their sacred cows, however I must take issue with Paul on the matter of what's-his-name not having told the kids of his impending-death notice until it was no longer feasible to hide the fact. I believe that I would keep such information as secret as I could just because I wouldn't want to be wrapped up in the Cling Wrap of pity and stored safely away from the give and take of relationships. Love wounds both lover and loved. Let me go out with my loved ones still loving me enough to get pissed off at me and feeling free to call me a jerk and a shithead and not take up tip-toeing around me emotionally. I'm sure I'd want my last months, weeks, days to be as natural as possible. But once you've announced that you'll be dead in 4800 hours, the whole world changes on you. It's like winning the lottery -- even your wife starts claiming she's your friend.
Mike Geary Memphis----- Original Message ----- From: "Paul Stone" <pastone@xxxxxxxxx>
To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx> Sent: Friday, August 01, 2008 10:23 AM Subject: [lit-ideas] Re: a little more on books
On Tue, Jul 29, 2008 at 1:28 AM, Julie Krueger <juliereneb@xxxxxxxxx> wrote:I saw him, shortly after he became an item on either Oprah or 60 Minutes orsomething like that, giving portions of his "last" lecture. I was deeplyimpressed with him. I haven't looked at the book, so I have no idea how itdeveloped or was developed from his thoughts upon learning that he was dying. However .... I would strongly suggest that you look him up onYouTube -- his much publicized lecture is there. And for me, at least, itis powerful.I watched it and I thought it was just a 'lecture' -- which of course, it was -- and as it turns out, to my great surprise, the book IS very faithful to the lecture. I was looking for MUCH more from this powerful lecture. His little 'head fakes' at the last minute were 'cute' but the lecture itself was not 'powerful' in the least (to me). The only kernel of wisdom in the whole thing was "experience is what we get, when we don't get what we want". The only thing that was powerful about this lecture is that he was up there giving it, with humor, nonchalance and coolness that is almost completely absent from most people who are aware that they are terminally ill. I'll grant him that. I guess the thing that bothered me most (and this was in the book too, although to a lesser extent) is that he specifically chose NOT to talk about anything negative, nothing about his kids, barely his wife and almost made it seem like it wasn't a bummer to leave a wife he obviously loved with all his heart, three young kids (who, incidentally, they didn't even TELL he was sick until just a few weeks before his death) that he must have felt terrible about. And as I said before, I could think of better things to do than write books summarizing a lecture that I gave on my her last birthday that my Wife and I will celebrate. During his lecture he recounts a story about how he got tenure a year early and when asked how, he says "Well, call me on Friday night at 10:30 in my office and I'll tell you". Maybe, just mAAAAAAAAAAAAAAybe he could have done something different instead of striving. But I'm being judgmental. Now, I know you're saying "But Paul, he was just really this serene, realistic guy who lived everyday the way he wanted to and did everything he ever wanted to." I call "bullshit" -- and the problem with this particular instance is that he was obviously a very great man with an iron will who fought and conquered lots, but in the end, the truth - he was going to and did die was somehow NOT the topic of the situation. If that's not denial, then I don't know what is. And his "popularity" -- deliberately so, in his case -- probably made it MORE difficult for other families and people to die. He was exceptional. His end-story is routine. paul ------------------------------------------------------------------ To change your Lit-Ideas settings (subscribe/unsub, vacation on/off,digest on/off), visit www.andreas.com/faq-lit-ideas.html
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