[lit-ideas] The Determinism of Air Conditioning

When we were looking about California for a place to retire to, air
conditioning was an important consideration.  I like to keep a room below 70
whereas my wife suffers from anemia from time to time and likes to keep the
house at about 80.  No problem, I thought.  We'll just find a house where I
can have a nice large study, closed off from the rest of the house.  I'll
get a window air-conditioner and everything will be fine.

However, when we actually found a house we liked and I moved my books into
my study and began thinking of an air-conditioner, the view of the San
Jacinto Mountains was not something I wanted to spoil with a window unit.
Not a problem, I thought, I'll just have an air conditioner installed
through the wall.  

I went to Home Depot, selected a nice powerful unit, and bought it.  It was
only after I had the unit sitting in my garage that I began calling
air-conditioning people.  "What," said one man in amazement?  "You already
have a unit?  You aren't buying it from us?"  

"Yeah.  It's sitting in my garage."

"Well, I'm sorry sir, we don't usually install anyone else's unit."

"Are you saying you won't install my unit?"

"Well, no.  Of course we aren't saying that, but our policy is to install
the units we sell first, and to be honest.  I can't tell you how long it
will be before we could get around to yours."

After talking to a few such people, I observed that they have all mapped out
for themselves a rather narrow field of interest.  Their world is one that
they have determined, and if one comes into that world with some
hair-brained scheme that doesn't fit in their world, they boot him out.

After I had considered myself sufficiently booted out, I began calling
construction people.  After all, I didn't need anyone to do anything to the
air-conditioner beyond mounting it and plugging it in.  Surely a
construction outfit could do that.  But construction people had a different
set of concerns.

":Just where is it you want this air-conditioner installed."

"Through the wall above my printer in my study."

"And your study is on the ground floor?"

"No, it is on the second story."

"Whoa.  Go way up there on a ladder to install an air-conditioner?  I don't
think we could do anything like that."

Another fellow said he wouldn't be afraid to do it if only he hadn't injured
himself in a motor cycle accident.

Finally, and as a last resort, I called my son the electrician.  

"I've never done anything like that, Dad."

"Yes, but I've tried every place else.  I have confidence in you.  I'm sure
you can do it, and you owe me money."

"Well, sure, I can probably figure it out, he said doubtfully."

"Great.  When can you come over?"

And he did figure it out.  He had to install a separate circuit for the
unit, cut a hole through the wall, install the air-conditioner through my
study wall, and then go outside and install bracing.  After that he cut and
installed some trim on the inside.  That was about 8 years ago and the unit
has worked fine ever since.  And I hope it keeps on working, for I can't
imagine an Air Conditioning man being willing to come out and work on it.  

"Take it out of the wall, bring it in and we'll look at it.  Otherwise,
forget it."

"But vultures will fly in through the hole in the wall."

"You should have thought of that before you installed it."

"Drat.  I should have."

Lawrence Helm
www.lawrencehelm.com

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