[lit-ideas] Re: The Death of the Telegram
- From: David Ritchie <ritchierd@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Mon, 29 Aug 2005 18:17:59 -0700
Weather here hot, stop Yes, Michigan fun, but fridges still proving
nuisance, stop Details to follow, end
I miss telegrams. Following tradition, many of my relatives sent
congratulatory telegrams when Laura and I were married. And what happened?
Someone at the post office picked up the phone and read us the words,
entirely missing the point. It would have been cheaper to call from the
U.K., but the relatives wanted the real thing, the teletyped string of paper
that you then were supposed to paste in the wedding album, the mysterious
language with stops.
Someone asked if Michigan was fun and whether we visited Mackinaw Island.
Yes, and no. We landed at Travis City airport -- as fine a piece of pork as
ever I saw, very luxurious indeed. I strolled to the Enterprise counter and
asked about the car we'd reserved, a Dodge Neon.
"Are there," I asked, "any other possibilities?"
"Well," said the fellow, "we do have a truck."
We went out to the parking lot to inspect... found not a truck but a
TRUUUUUUUUUUCK, an extended cabin Chevy, the sort that requires you to hike
from front to back and asks for an athletic leap from ground to cabin.
"We can have this for the same rate as a compact car?"
"Sure."
And so it was that we came to be briefly doing our patriotic bit to make the
earth just that little bit warmer. The temptation fairy waved his magic
wand and I was transformed into a beefy guzzler of gas, a singer of country
and western songs ("Stand by your man" was all we could manage, but the
thought counted), a wearer of seed store caps. We all took turns leaning in
a manner that Eddie Izzard describes in one of his stand-up pieces about
Noah and the Ark, a reference that will not mean anything to you, but there
it is. The verdict? If you don't have many miles to drive, a TRUUUUUUCK is
fun. You get to sit high up and have thoughts like, "If we really, really
wanted, and if the rental agreement allowed, we could drive off-road or
something." At one point we asked Enterprise if, to help a friend out, we
could tow their fourteen foot long sailing boat a mile or two. "No," the
man said, "we don't allow towing." Quite right too. Might be a bit of a
strain on a twelve cylinder engine, that.
We only used a half a tank all week...but a *half* a tank was more than
thirty bucks.
Back in Portland the news has been the first delivery of the fridge--it
arrived scratched--the second delivery of the fridge--it too arrived
scratched and there was another mix-up over finances and the kinds of thing
that require calls to customer service and long waits on hold--and finally
the entirely wonderful delivery of a third fridge, which was in good
condition.
Have you seen a fridge delivery recently? The men hook straps over their
shoulders and lift the thing in. And then they lift the old one out. What
a line of work! Do between five and ten of those a day for how many years?
Now we're off again--on the morrow--for a week of family reunion near the
wilderness above Yosemite. Talk about recipe for fun and fraughtness:
twelve people sharing one house with the current temp in Sacramento, where
we land, about 110 degrees.
If in need of rescue shall I send a telegram?
David Ritchie
Portland, Oregon.
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