IS GOD GAY? Meditations On 64 Years Of Dealing With Him. The thing I like most about God is that He won't leave well enough alone, but feels compelled to add a curl, a twirl, a swirl to things like fern fronds, sprouts, shoots, vines and pigs' tails. How He loves to spiral sea shells into geometrical intricacies that only a Muslim could match. Notice how He needs to decorate everything. Painting even the tiniest of flowers in astonishing palettes and dressing His creatures in extravagant styles. He has the decorator's eye par excellence. And clothes? Oh my. The Devil may wear Prada, but God designs his own. The sun alone in one day He'll dress in rays of pink and gold, white, and ripe plum red. How in love with color He is. Truly, if God is a guy, he's bound to be gay. But what of His rages? How about those times He's blown his Vesuvial top for no discernable reason, or overturned the tables just because He was all stressed out, poor man, I've seen Him running around knocking everything down, as wild as some psychotic whirling dervish, seen Him turn a cold shoulder toward life. This behavior is sooo male hetero that there's no way God could be gay. Is God a woman, then -- with a mean boyfriend? That would explain a lot. No guy, straight or gay, could ever have guessed how to design a woman. The ins and outs are too complex, the curves and swerves too self-serving -- that is to say, they have no practical purpose. A man could never ever have thought of that. Women are self-created creatures. They are God. And their boyfriends can't stand it, and every now and then must go on a tear. That's what I think about God. ****** Mike Geary Memphis