[lit-ideas] Re: Philosophical League Tables
- From: "Walter C. Okshevsky" <wokshevs@xxxxxx>
- To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx, Eric Yost <mr.eric.yost@xxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Sun, 19 Aug 2012 11:05:40 -0230
I do believe my succinct yet trenchant philosophical analysis of this Contest
has gone viral, at least on our list!
Also look me up on Facebook and my blog. (Yeah, right.) And then there's my
Witter's Twitters, of course. (Implicaturive analyses by JL expected.)
Clearly finally on vacation with little to do but play table tennis, badminton
and chess, grow raspberries and pineapples, and go blueberry picking and look
for new recipes for pork ribroast, beer chicken and beef tenderloin, and send
my Vacation Reply to irate grad students who have failed the Ethics In
Educational Practice and Policy course. (Like, what does that look like on
their transcripts? Esp if you're a principal, teacher or school district
administrator?)
Walter O
Quoting Eric Yost <mr.eric.yost@xxxxxxxxx>:
> >> This is just silly.
> --Walter O
>
> It was.
>
> I thought the thing below was silly when I wrote it, before I had to
> exchange Holder for Ashcroft and change a sentence or two.
>
> ________________
>
> And You Thought Richard Reid Was Slow
> The Fool's Jihad: al-Qaeda Seeking Morons
> By Eric Yost
>
> WASHINGTON (Aug. 5)-Following release of a new audio tape credited to
> al-Qaeda, Attorney General Eric Holder warned of the "very real
> possibility of an incredibly lame, ineffective, and incompetent terror
> attack.'' Holder suggested that the terror network built by
> mastermind-turned-fish-food, Osama bin Laden, is recruiting the
> stupidest people on the planet, perhaps with the intention of certifying
> in The Guinness Book of World Records for "world's stupidest terrorist
> plot."
>
> "They want to strike us whenever and wherever they can,'' Holder told
> The Learning Channel this Tuesday. "However, they currently seem more
> intent on setting world records in the 'fool' category, and appear to be
> recruiting the mentally challenged, village idiots, simpletons, and
> imbeciles throughout the Muslim, partly Muslim, and rarely Muslim
> world."
>
> While refusing to confirm the tape's authenticity, Holder told PBS's
> Sesame Street that it, "indicates that the terrorist threat remains, and
> is perhaps entering one of its more flaky, even spaced-out chapters." He
> stated that al-Qaeda maintains the same hatred of the US that it did
> when it attacked on Sept. 11. "However, it's likely the new breed of
> al-Qaeda recruits are the kind of folk who would starve to death if
> locked inside a supermarket. Real dummies."
>
> The latest al-Qaeda recording, apparently made on a Fisher-Price toy,
> possibly a Laugh & LearnT Fun With FriendsT Musical Table, states that
> "American big incompetent will cry and feel bad'' if the US government
> "keeps using big words to say things we can't figure out." Anonymous
> intelligence sources confirmed that analysis of the tape indicates the
> voice is likely that of Bin Laden's former deputy-now doomed
> international bull's-eye and clay pigeon-Ayman Al-Zawahiri, possibly
> suffering from some kind of extreme hangover, alalia, or dementia.
>
> "This could be a serious threat,'' said Holder, examining his cufflinks.
> "Or it could be a college prank violating the National Security Act. Or
> it could be a bizarre obsession by al-Qaeda leadership determined to win
> listing in The Guinness Book of World Records. Or it could be something
> we know nothing about and never will. Nevertheless, for yo-yos, the
> American people are marginally alert, which is more than I can say about
> al-Qaeda.''
>
> An unidentified spokesperson for the Homeland Security Department, Roger
> Linton Collins, notified federal and state law enforcement agencies that
> al-Qaeda may attempt hijackings or "stuff," using
> bicycles-built-for-two, toboggans, steam shovels, donkey carts,
> wheelbarrows, tricycles, and possibly pogo sticks with purple crepe tied
> to the handles. Over the weekend, the State Department suspended visa
> rules for travelers who were unable to name of planet they currently
> inhabited, identify their hands, or pronounce the word "jihad" in a
> quiet voice.
>
> Holder said this screening, "adds yet another intractable,
> armadillo-like shell of absolutely savage, knuckle-busting, hard-core
> titanium security," and spat. Wistfully flexing his left bicep, Holder
> added that he wished the old color-coded system were in place so he
> could announce a new terror-color, maybe sepia, concluding, "with
> enemies like these, who needs friends?"
>
>
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