In a message dated 12/29/2005 10:11:38 P.M. Central Standard Time, aamago@xxxxxxxxxxxxx writes: I can't even stand going to the supermarket or the Walmart for that reason, because it really hurts me to see the way people treat their kids. Dear Irene, I, too, have seen these sorts of things. I imagine we all have! But--here's how you can handle that. (I have loved going to the stores/restaurants with one of my friends--he is simply awesome with those sorts of situations and I learned a lot from him...will always bless him for touching lives! Each person he has ever met has mattered to him--and to meet someone else who lives that way-it is grand.) Do NOT just 'walk away'. Often if the parent is frazzled--as you know, it is sometimes not the kid or the store--just exhaustion. (again--would be nice to have time/energy/help sometimes--or to have the $ to buy your kid what you long to be able to provide--and don't say that it is bad to do so unless you have had to deny yourself/your husband something that you/he really really have wanted but you simply cannot get for him. It does not sound like you live that sort of life, though, so you probably do NOT have empathy...<g> so go to the exhaustion concept versus the despair concept...) Try to figure out what the situation merits. If it is obviously an exhaustion issue, then just perk the mom/dad up and state how cute/fun/intelligent/etc the child is--if you look deep enough, you can find something sweet to say about ANY child. If it is a kid having a temper tantrum about a toy or that is the parent losing it because he/she cannot get the kid something (no matter the reason--that really does not matter)--just make eye contact with the parent and smile--and then with the kid and state in a casual sort of way how hard it is sometimes to not be able to get a child what he/she wants...but that you can tell that the parent really does care and oh! maybe next time! Or, suggest that the parent/child make a LIST so that *someday* one of those things on the list can be provided. (that one, actually, is one of my favorites--and, if it is a girl-child, then I usually share about my favorite series of books the Betsy-Tacy ones and talk about how in Betsy-Tacy Go Downtown that Betsy, Tacy and Tib used to go into stores and etc etc <g> [won't trouble you with the whole story...) Of course, I generally carry a copy of at least one of the first four Betsy-Tacy books and will often make a gift of one of them if this is the situation which I have encountered. You could do something similar--buy a Disney magazine which may be by the checkout counter or a coloring book or something very little but fun--and see what happens. You'll stun the parent--who gives gifts to strangers after all--and esp the child. How special he/she will feel--esp if the child/parent has a love language of communication that is 'gift-giving'?! (and, if words of affirmation--you'll have given those too) Sometimes it is just hard to manage a couple of kids (I will be watching, again, two more starting the first of January for almost two weeks while the parents are on a work-trip throughout the country. Yes--it's hard, Irene, and no, they are of no relation--but I know there is a need and that I have the space and can, somehow, manage to juggle the extra drive to where those kids go to school (about 20 minutes away) and so forth. But--the parents are working so so hard and it is a really good opportunity for them...and I can 'be there' for these little ones (the alternative for their care is to go be with their older sister who is 20 and simply not in the caretaking age/stage of life right now...) All that to say that I often think that while I did want about four kids <g>, it's a lot of work to have two extra around! I cannot, now, imagine taking care of TWO on a regular basis! <g> (that's why I can understand the seeming-selfishness that says 'no kids'...<g>-- [I used to want to have two of my own and two adopted--wanted that since I was in second grade and the bus stopped at an orphanage and I would sit next to a girl who would sigh periodically on Mondays and tell me of yet another pair of parents who had visited and always 'chose' younger kids...and not her. I begged my mom to let us adopt her (there were already six of us, though) and she said 'no'. Ben and I talk, periodically, of doing the foster care thing [I know several who do this--one only takes in teenage girls and she is simply awesome] but we have 'adopted' so many of those around and about that it is not, yet, time for that. Maybe someday... So--if you see someone with more than one kid in a store/restaurant and he/she is having a hard time--give her/him a hand! Help them out with the groceries. Smile and tell the parent how well he/she is doing--and how hard a job he/she has! Encourage. But--don't walk away. Don't ignore. CARE and DO. Maybe that can be your new mantra? (esp the doing?) It would just be a lot easier to handle the words you spout out about how horrible people/the world are if you were actually interacting with it a bit more--so please...do so! And, remember--there are SO many people out there helping parents! Another aspect of Life that is taking the nation by storm is that of the concept of a Parents' University. These are all-day conferences for parents (childcare is provided and sometimes, though not always, food)--and speakers and sessions on all sorts of helpful topics. YOU could volunteer to help with one of those--even if you don't want to interact with the people/kids themselves, there is always a need for people to help with the support work. Plus, you would meet some of the people who are dynamically involved in changing lives of the very people who make you ache when you see them in places like Walmart... Best, Marlena in Missouri thinking of all the awesome parents and caretaker types on this list--for bits and pieces have been shared...