[lit-ideas] Re: Irene/Andy's scenario and a challenge back to her

  • From: eternitytime1@xxxxxxx
  • To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • Date: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 11:02:28 -0500

 Hi, Irene,
I disagree. I do not think I was being abusive. And, if you didn't feel that 
you were being abused, then perhaps you were not.  It was certainly not my 
intent to abuse--just to explain.
 
The two theories I had for your strange harsh and (almost) abusive tone as well 
as for not reading what I wrote were that 1) you were missing your husband and 
did not know how to deal with that emotion so did some projection [something 
you state often happens to other people when they grow up] and 2) you simply 
had not have enough sleep--the phrase 'oh, you woke up on the wrong side of the 
bed this morning!' is often used to acknowledge someone else's crankiness or 
disrespectfulness WITHOUT being abusive or reacting in anger to the disrespect 
but still let's the other person know that there was a 'line' of 
respect/care/concern that was being crossed.  
 
While you may think that people get cross and angry and mean (as your tone 
was), I often think that people are either sad or tired or dealing with an 
emotion that they don't know what to do with--
 
So, I was giving you the benefit of the doubt if that was the case. It could be 
that I might have just as easily have said that:
 
1) Irene/Andy obviously had a very unhappy childhood and was beaten badly and 
has no perspective because of that 
 
2) Irene/Andy is simply a mean nasty person who writes and expects respect and 
thoughtful resposes but refuses to show the same equal respect and care and 
concern.
 
Rather than speculating on the internal reasons for *your* meanness--I was 
trying to soften it--to give you a chance to save face and apologize for your 
tone.  (which was mean as it absolutely showed that you had not read what I had 
written--)
 
In addition, if you felt that you were not being abused, then how was I 
abusive?  Simply because I was pointing out that YOU were being abusive?  hm...
 
 Wondering if Andy/Irene knows how to apologize,
Marlena in Missouri

-----Original Message-----
From: Andy Amago <aamago@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
To: lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Fri, 17 Feb 2006 09:45:47 -0500
Subject: [lit-ideas] Re: Irene/Andy's scenario and a challenge back to her


I didn't feel I was being abused.  I said you were being abusive.  What was the 
lonely, wrong side of the bed about?  What did it have to do with the 
discussion?  The rest of this is too long to plow through.  Obviously, if you 
could answer the question you would have.

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