[lit-ideas] Iran Charade Debunked
I guess Omar is right. We can rest easy. The world
will end in ice not fire.
- From: Eric Yost <mr.eric.yost@xxxxxxxxx>
- To: Lit-Ideas <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Wed, 18 Jan 2006 15:21:06 -0500
Terrorist Has No Idea What To Do With All This
November 30, 2005 | Issue 41•48
ZAHEDAN, IRAN—Yaquub Akhtar, the leader of an
eight-man cell linked to a terrorist organization
known as the Army Of Martyrs, admitted Tuesday
that he "doesn't have the slightest clue" what to
do with the quarter-kilogram of plutonium he
"We had just given thanks to Allah for this
glorious means to destroy the Great Satan once and
for all, when [sub-lieutenant] Mahmoud [Ghassan]
asked, 'So, what's the next step?'" Akhtar said.
"I was at a loss."
The 28-year-old fanatic said he and his associates
had initially assumed that at least one member of
their group had the physics and engineering
background necessary to construct a thermonuclear
"Many eyes were upon me," said Basim Aljawad,
whose knowledge of physics did not extend to the
principles of nuclear fission. "I make nail bombs.
Not knowing where to turn, the eight men consulted
the Muslim holy book the Quran, which proved
unhelpful. Said Akhtar: "Even Umar Abd al-Malik,
who interprets the ancient scripture more freely
than the rest of us, could not find an instructive
Morale was temporarily buoyed when cell member
Dawoud Bishr, a former student at the Sorbonne in
Paris, was found intently examining the exposed
plutonium, which he had lifted from its protective
lead footlocker. Two days later, however, the
others had to bury Bishr in a landfill outside the
Akhtar, in hiding in a small, spartan cellar in
one of Zahedan's poorer neighborhoods, said that
the only use he's found for the encased lethal
substance so far is as a flat surface on which to
lay out a map of a government armory outside
Islamabad and a large piece of paper to make a
blueprint for transferring the plutonium to an
effective delivery system.
"I drew a circle to represent the plutonium,"
Akhtar said. "Then I drew a line pointing to it,
and beside it wrote 'plutonium.' After that, I
just hit a wall."
Akhtar and his associates initially planned to
create a "suitcase bomb," but soon after they
obtained the plutonium, they learned that such
bombs weigh over 700 pounds, and are therefore too
heavy for any of them to lift alone.
Said Akhtar: "The only thing this weapon of mass
destruction is destroying right now is our ability
to kill infidels."
"I have heard many in the corrupt Western media
say that Muslim terrorists have acquired harmful
radioactive materials that can be readily
deployed," al-Malik said. "Whoever this terrorist
group is that's all but ready to strike America
with a nuclear device, we sure could use their help."
Unable to search for bomb-making instructions on
his laptop for fear of being monitored, Akhtar has
been forced to send another of his
sub-lieutenants, 23-year-old Ibraheem Jaalal, to a
local Internet café in hopes of acquiring the
necessary data. According to Jaalal, the process
so far has proven "unbearably slow" and
"outrageously expensive," claiming he can't
believe the coffee shop charges $4.95 for an hour
of dial-up-speed Internet use.
The cell's lack of contacts with professional
scientists and engineers has also undermined their
bomb-building efforts. "A friend of mine at
university studied metallurgy," Jaalal said. "I
have his e-mail address, but I can't just write
him and say, 'Oh, hello, Suleymann, long time no
see. Say, I'm a terrorist now, and I was
wondering: How do you go about building a nuclear
After three days without progress, the plutonium,
once a source of pride for Akhtar and the other
men, has increasingly become a fountain of
"I guess we got carried away with the idea of
making a nuclear weapon before thinking the whole
thing through," said Akhtar, who admitted that
even if he "could bombard that plutonium nuclei
with enough electrons, whatever those are,"
getting the bomb to North America would prove
another logistical mess.
"I still believe in taking the lives of American
civilians as revenge for the atrocities committed
on our brothers, our wives, and our daughters,"
Akhtar said. "I'm just not entirely sure it's
worth a headache this big."
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