[lit-ideas] Hole in the House

Mike: Take the example of Eric, who appears to be quite happy with the fact that there's an asshole of truly gargantuan proportions sitting in the White House.

Eric: I most certainly am not happy about this, and think it is a matter for the Secret Service to deal with. Leaving aside questions about how a gargantuan hole can sit, there are many occasions of woe in such a circumstance.

(1) What if foreign dignitaries, on important errands of state, visit the White house and stumble into the gargantuan hole? Where will their dignity be then?

(2) Plus ordinary visitors, Cub Scout troops for example, following the curiosity of youth, could enter the gargantuan hole and find themselves trapped deep in its interior. It would be worse than a Chinese mining disaster. TV remotes would be set up, as increasingly frantic newspeople reported on the poor, dear innocents trapped in the dark, far from their abusive parents, without food or potable water.

(3) Whistleblowers would call for more transparency on the hole. The UMW Union would get involved. Donald Rumsfeld would apply his cautious epistemology, advising TV pundits that there are "things we don't know that we don't know" about the hole. Proctologists and topologists would crowd cable TV news with sad bites about irreproducibility.

(4) The French would be jealous. Living as they do in what author Michel Houellebecq called "a sinister bureaucracy," the French might claim that we had usurped their institutions and modus vivendi.

(5) It would provide yet another point of vulnerability to Islamist terrorists, who would view the gargantuan hole as a hefty target, puckered and positioned for Allah's wrathful intentions.

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