[lit-ideas] God Save the Queen - The Counteroffer

To: Her Sovereign  Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
From: Eric Yost
re: Revocation

Hi, Babe!
You might not have a bad idea. However, as in all mediation, the USA will set conditions for our revoked independence.
* British cooking must improve ... at least to the level of an aluminum-covered twenty-seat diner situated on an isolated expanse of Interstate 80 at 2 a.m.
* We should NOT look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary. That silly set has been eclipsed by MW Third Intl. Unabridged, which is more concise and easier to read. Since America -- and not Britain -- is the intellectual center of the English-speaking world, it is incumbent on Her Majesty's subjects to shed their dusty prejudices.
* That "teeth thing" must improve. Americans do not want to feel that they are looking into a winter forest at dusk when someone smiles.
* All that silly British usage must go. No extra vowels in words like color; no consonant reversal in words like center; no unnecessary consonants in words like worshiped. Yes, you have a grand history and yes, it is the source and mother tongue -- yadda-yadda -- but if we wanted to feel stuck in a daguerreotype every time we opened a book, we'd re-read Daniel Defoe and nothing more modern.
* As you suggest, we will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. You, for your part, will refrain from soccer riots ... that includes ALL soccer riots.
* This metric nonsense is right out. If Jesus wanted the US to go metric, he would have chosen ten disciples.
More to follow. These are talking points to be continued. 

Eric

cc: Feinstein, Sawyer, Wolfram and Hart LLC


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