[lit-ideas] A break from ponderous thought.
- From: "Mike Geary" <atlas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- To: <lit-ideas@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
- Date: Fri, 16 Feb 2007 13:38:49 -0600
WISE GUISE
ACT 1 SCENE 1
Scene: The reception / waiting area of the law office of Joseph Carpenter.
Typical business style sofa and chair and coffee table. A
receptionist-secretary's desk. No one is on stage. There are two doors, one
the entry from a hallway and the other an inner door to the office of Mr.
Carpenter. The entry door opens and 3 middle aged men -- Melchior, Balthazar
and Gaspar -- enter, they look around, Melchior and Gaspar look a bit confused
or uncertain.
MELCHIOR: [dubious] This is the place?
BALTHAZAR: (with supreme confidence) Yes. This is the place.
MELCHIOR: You're sure?
BALTHAZAR: I'm positive.
MELCHIOR: [still looking around] That's what you said the last time.
GASPAR: And the time before that. [Gaspar puts the headphone to his Ipod in
his ear and tunes them out, goes and sits on the sofa]
BALTHAZAR: That was not my fault. I've explained that. Given those signs, at
that point in time, knowing what we knew then, anyone would have come to the
same judgment.
MELCHIOR: But you're 'anyone', you're supposed to know. You're supposed to be
able to decipher these things. That's why we brought you along.
BALTHAZAR: I do know. I can't help it if the signs are inaccurate. I found
the signs, I followed the signs. That's all any wise man can do. There are
limits to wisdom, you know.
MELCHIOR: You're sure this is the place?
BALTHAZAR: Absolutely positive. Can't you feel it?
MELCHIOR: Feel what?
BALTHAZAR: The feeling. You know, the feeling. This is the place.
MELCHIOR: I just don't want to feel like a fool again.
BALTHAZAR: Trust me. This is the place.
MELCHIOR: [with a sigh of resignation] OK, then. If you say so.
BALTHAZAR: I do say so.
MELCHIOR: OK, then.
(They join Gaspar on the sofa. Gaspar on one end is swaying to the music he's
listening to, Balthazar in the middle sits cross-legged, hands cupping his
knee, Melchior on the end, elbow on the arm piece twirling his hair around a
finger. Time passes, they sit, time passes, they sit, time passes, finally
Melchior asks:)
MELCHIOR: Are you sure this is the right place?
BALTHAZAR: [exasperated] Why don't you ask Gaspar if you don't believe me?
MELCHIOR: All right, I will. (nearly shouting) Hey, Pardy, is this the right
place, what do you think?
(Gaspar, not hearing him, continues bobbing to the music)
MELCHIOR: God, I hate that damn thing. There's no getting through to him when
he's plugged in.
BALTHAZAR: (matter of factly) He's not plugged in.
MELCHIOR: What the hell are you talking about? Are you blind?
BALTHAZAR: I took the battery out of the thing over a month ago. He's just
imagining he hears music.
MELCHIOR: "What? It's all in his head?
BALTHAZAR: Isn't everything all in our heads?
(Melchior reaches across Balthazar and pulls the head phone from Gaspar's ear.)
MELCHIOR: Mr. B says you're only imagining that you're hearing music.
GASPAR: [aggravated] I wish I could imagine not hearing you. Your rancid
voice is last thing in the world I want to hear. (He puts the headphone back
in his ear)
MELCHIOR: Rancid? (He turns to Balthazar) He said my voice was 'rancid'.
BALTHAZAR: Yes, I heard him.
MELCHIOR: How can a voice be rancid?
BALTHAZAR: It's hard to imagine, but then, Gaspar has a vivid imagination.
(They look at Gaspar who is bobbing to the beat of the music he's imagining.
No one says anything for what seems to be a long time, then Melchior speaks up)
MELCHIOR: I don't think this is the right place.
BALTHAZAR: [with authority] This is the place.
MELCHIOR: So you say.
BALTHAZAR: So I know.
MELCHIOR: So this is the place then, huh? So?
BALTHAZAR: So?
MELCHIOR: So what's supposed to happen now?
(Balthazar looks at Melchior with genuine surprise bordering on alarm)
BALTHAZAR: What do you mean?
(Melchior looks at Balthazar with genuine surprise bordering on alarm)
MELCHIOR: I mean why did we come here?
BALTHAZAR: I have no idea. I thought you knew.
MELCHIOR: How would I know?
BALTHAZAR: You're the philosopher. You're supposed to know that kind of stuff.
MELCHIOR: [defensively] No, I'm not. I know how to tear arguments apart.
That's what I know. That's my job. You're the diviner. You're the one who's
supposed to know unknowable stuff.
BALTHAZAR: I'm a tour guide. I know how to get to where I've got to. That
all I know.
MELCHIOR: [the horror dawning on him] You mean we've come all this way for
nothing?
BALTHAZAR: [can't believe it] Such a long journey.
MELCHIOR: [self pitying] A cold coming we had of it.
BALTHAZAR: Yes. So hot it was.
MELCHIOR: So hot the highways would burst into flame under our feet.
BALTHAZAR: The bus drivers grumbling, refractory, wanting our liquor and women.
MELCHIOR: The silken girls bringing us sherbet. Sherbet. Who likes sherbet I
ask you.
BALTHAZAR: [finding a moral to all this, declaims] But set down this.
(brief pause)
MELCHIOR: This?
BALTHAZAR: Yes. This set down.
(brief pause)
MELCHIOR: Yes?
BALTHAZAR: Yes, this.
MELCHIOR: Yes what? What this? What yes?
BALTHAZAR: What?
MELCHIOR: What what what what what?
BALTHAZAR: What are you talking about? Set down this, I said.
MELCHIOR: [screams] Jesus Christ!
BALTHAZAR: Yes. That's it.
(the inner door opens, enter Joseph Carpenter)
JOSEPH: Ah, I thought I heard someone out here.
BALTHAZAR: See, I told you this was the right place.
© Mike Geary
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