Autism and Sexuality in adolescents and young adults:
One of the topics very much discussed in hush - hush tones and which I
always feel is least understood is sexuality among growing children with
autism!
I am reproducing this post after a parent called me up on " certain
behaviours" of her son who turned 12 last week.
Parents of children with autism I meet are worried about sudden change in
behaviours, sleep patterns, midnight wake-up blues, food intakes, SIB,
Assaulting etc as they cross age nine onwards!
Since these children are more looked after by mothers, and autism happening
in more boys than girls , understanding of body changes with growing of
boys becomes difficult with very little information shared!
We all have heard of the now famous dialogue in a movie - " Entertainment,
Entertainment and Entertainment !
But when I am talking of autism, puberty, adolescence and sexuality,
I think of only three words
" Prevention, Prevention and Prevention"!
And prevention comes with information, education and talk about sex
education !
With the kind of junk foods on our table, today's children step into
puberty by age nine plus! Research has found the ' regular' age of puberty
for boys at 14 and for girls it is 12.
As the number of children diagnosed with autism continues to rise and that
of autistic young adult population too , very little attention in parent
groups or in special schools has been given to simplify parents'
understanding of their child's emotional and behavioural
characteristics of sexual development and consequent changes in behaviours,
both in public or private space.
We had conducted a SoSafe workshop on sexuality to teach parents how to
address the
growth and development of sexual behaviors of their children with autism.
Sadly, just five parents turned up!
Priorities, obviously lie elsewhere!
Most are hiding under a misconception that " my child will remain a child
forever".
In the western world, research is ongoing into the sexuality of people with
autism. Because of the sheer numbers of boys on the spectrum, there is more
research into male autism sexual behaviours and there is still not much
known about females on the spectrum and their sexual behaviours.
But it is clear that many people with autism do have a sex drive and
express it through masturbation, exactly like the majority of
adolescents. The typical boy has his peer group to turn to, but what does a
boy on the spectrum do?
You as his mother is the first to observe any "unusual" behaviour or a
change in behaviour!
Teach him " privates ", "private space", " public space" and " private
time" concepts.
When you observe him " touching his privates" you will need to understand
and make him understand that this is possible in " private space " and you
can walk out of 'his' room saying - now is your 'private time'!
Observe the child when the masturbation occurs to understand what may have
triggered the behavior e.g. end of day, at rest time, anxiety, separation
from parent, being excluded by other children, noise level of environment.
If the child is masturbating in front of others respond “ I know you have
found that feels good but it is also something that is best kept private. I
would like you to wait until sleep time or when you are at home”.
Provide the child with other ways to comfort themselves such as a four feet
" body pillow " which is very soothing for a young boy.
Try to interrupt ( don't shout ) the behavior without showing emotional
reaction.( Remember masturbation is not a sin)
Deviate the child to an activity that will distract him from masturbation.
Make him wear clothes that are comfortable and not too tight, too loose (
boxers are good substitute ) to avoid the child’s attention to the genital
area.
See that entire family and his teachers are consistent with the response
and diversion so everyone uses the same words each time.
Professionals I meet find sexuality taboo and rarely discuss in the open
but it is important we give our children a loving understanding of human
sexuality.
We need to make them understand, ( with visuals if need be) that their
sexuality is special and natural, then they will have minimal information
with which to balance the beliefs of society.
Are you ready to walk that extra mile both as a parent or a professional to
make sexuality meaningful for the child living with autism.
Or are you going to brush it under the carpet, as usual!
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