[guide.chat]

  • From: "harold kitching" <harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "pam camidge" <pam.camidge@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Tue, 9 Oct 2012 15:00:27 +0100

com
: FWD: Favourite quotes.

 

 

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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should
have remained a virgin.' 

- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered But I was not pleased
to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine
against a wall.' 

- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have
since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.. 

- Mark Twain 

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible 

- George Burns 

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. 

- Victor Borge 

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. 

- Mark Twain 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. 

- Socrates 

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 

- Groucho Marx 

 

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops
to breathe. 

- Jimmy Durante 

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 

- Zsa Zsa Gabor 

 

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups:
alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. 

- Alex Levine 

 

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. 

- Rodney Dangerfield 

 

Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant
form of misery. 

- Spike Milligan 

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . 

- Joe Namath 

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap. 

- Bob Hope 

 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. 

- W. C. Fields 

 

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way
through Congress. 

- Will Rogers 

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
- Winston Churchill 

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.. 

- Phyllis Diller 

 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere. 

- Billy Crystal 

 

And the cardiologist' s diet: - If it tastes good spit it out. 

May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and 

may nothing but happiness come through your door. 

  

  

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