[guide.chat]

  • From: "harold kitching" <harold.kitching01@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • To: "pam camidge" <pam.camidge@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "guide chat" <guide.chat@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>, "gary wiggins" <gary128169@xxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
  • Date: Sun, 8 Jul 2012 11:25:39 +0100

Subject:Fwd : Some of this is good!

: some of this is good

 
 
_Why_ we 
love  children ...  
 
 
 
 
 
1)  NUDITY   I was  driving with my three young children one warm summer 
evening when a woman in the  convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She 
was stark naked! As I was  reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old 
shout from the back seat, 'Mom,  that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

 
 
 
 
2)  OPINIONS    On the  first day of school, a first-grader handed his 
teacher a note from his mother.  The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this 
child are not necessarily those  of his parents.'

 
 
 
 
3)  KETCHUP    A woman  was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. 
During her struggle the phone  rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to 
answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come  to the phone to talk to you right now. 
She's hitting the bottle.'

 
 
 
 
4)  MORE NUDITY     A  little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in 
the women's locker room.  When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, 
with ladies grabbing towels  and running for cover. The little boy watched 
in amazement and then asked,  'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a 
little boy before?'

 
 
 
 
5)  POLICE # 1   While  taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary 
school, I was interrupted by  a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up 
and down at my uniform, she asked,  'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and 
continued writing the report. My  mother said if I ever needed help I should 
ask 
the police. Is that right?' 'Yes,  that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' 
she said as she extended her foot  toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

 
 
 
 
6)  POLICE # 2    It was  the end of the day when I parked my police van in 
front of the station. As I  gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, 
was barking, and I saw a little boy  staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got 
back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I  replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at 
me and then towards the back of the van.  Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

 
 
 
 
7)  ELDERLY     While working  for an organization that delivers lunches to 
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my  4-year-old daughter on my afternoon 
rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t  he various appliances of old age, 
particularly the canes, walkers and  wheelchairs. One day I found her 
staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a  glass. As I braced myself for 
the 
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely  turned and whispered, 'The tooth 
fairy will never believe  this!'

8)  DRESS-UP   A little  girl was watching her parents dress for a party 
When she saw her dad donning his  tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't 
wear that suit.' 'And why not,  darling?' 'You know that it always gives you a 
headache the next  morning.'

9)  DEATH    While walking  along the sidewalk in front of his church, our 
minister heard the intoning of a  prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. 
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his  playmates had found a dead robin. 
Feeling that proper burial should be  performed, they had secured a small box 
and cotton batting, then dug a hole and  made ready for the disposal of the 
deceased. The minister's son was chosen to  say the appropriate prayers and 
with sonorous dignity intoned his version of  what he thought his father 
always said: 'Glory be unto  the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the 
hole 
 he goooes.' (I want this line used at my  funeral!)

10)  SCHOOL   A little  girl had just finished her first week of school 
'I'm just wasting my time,' she  said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't 
write, and they won't let me  talk!'

11)  BIBLE    A  little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated 
as he fingered through  the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the 
Bible. He picked up the  object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf 
that had been pressed in  between the pages. 'Mama,  look what I found,' 
the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With  astonishment in the 
young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's  underwear!'

 
 
 
 
NOW  IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

 
 
 

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