[guide.chat]

: FW: Good one

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 

UK Tax Guidance

 

 
 

Sometime this year,  we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic
Stimulus' payment..    

This is indeed a very exciting program,  and I'll explain it by using a Q &
A format: 
  
  
Q.  What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? 
  
A.  It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. 
  
  
Q..  Where will the government get this money ? 
  
A.  From taxpayers. 
  
  
Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money ? 
  
A.  Only a smidgen of it. 
  
  
Q.  What is the purpose of this payment ? 
  
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV
set,  thus stimulating the economy. 
  
  
Q..  But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? 
  
A.  Shut up. 
  
  
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. economy by
spending your stimulus cheque wisely:        
  
  
          
*  If you spend the stimulus money at Asda or Tesco,  the money will go to
China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka . 
  
  
*  If you spend it on petrol,  your money will go to the Arabs. 
  
  
*  If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or  China .  
  
      
  
*  If you purchase fruit and vegetables,  it will go to Mexico , Honduras
and Guatemala .. 
  
        
*  If you buy an efficient  car,  it will go to Japan or Korea . 

  
    
*  If  you purchase useless stuff,  it will go to Taiwan . 
  
    
 
*  If you pay your credit cards off, or buy shares,  it will go to
management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. 
  
  
Instead,  keep the money in the UK by: 
  
  
1)  Spending it at car boot sales,  or      
  
2)  Going to night clubs,  or    
  
3)  Spending it on prostitutes, or   
4)  Buy Beer or whisky, or    
  
5) Get yourself a Tattoo, or 

6) Visit a bookie, or
  
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) 
Conclusion: 
  
Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at
a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! 

  
No need to thank me,  I'm just glad I could be of help.  

You will

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